#138 – How to Be Happy When You’re Not – Part 1

#138 – How to Be Happy When You’re Not – Part 1

What do you do if you want to be happy but you’re not?  How do you handle the idea that you should have joy, contentment, and even a smile on your face but you don’t? What do you do if happiness seems to elude you for some reason you are aware of or even a reason of which you are not?

It’s that time of year when we begin to gear up for the upcoming holidays and all of the festivities that seasons entails.  We will be bombarded by talk of happiness, thankfulness, joy, gratitude, and all the reasons we have to smile.

But I have to be honest with you.

While I planned a few months ago to talk about happiness, joy, and living with gratitude during the month of November, I’ve recently realized that this might not be an easy topic for me to talk about.

I mean — it’s the right season for that topic but maybe not the right season for me. I’ve been a little down in the dumps lately and talking about “all-things-happy” is hard when you are fighting to find joy for yourself.

So I almost canned the idea altogether.

But I shared my dilemma with my masterminds — a group of girls who have been on my team over the last year and formed the “brains” behind so much of what we prepared and planned for the launch of She’s Still There. They have been wonderfully supportive, chatting and tossing ideas around, meeting to cast vision, and showing up for all of the events surrounding the release of my newest book.

I’m so grateful that they let me bounce stuff off of them and verbally process the millions of thoughts that race through my head.

As I shared my “happy-not-happy” conundrum with these girls, I jokingly suggested that I instead share their ideas for fighting for joy, happiness, and gratitude when you’re not feeling it. I figured that if I was “dry” that maybe one of them would have wisdom I could borrow.

That joke turned into reality because the girls thought that idea was a good one. I mean, how better to share about happiness, joy, and gratitude then to to share with you what I’m currently discovering or rediscovering? How better to encourage you in your struggle then to share with you how I’m dealing with my own?

This week I chat with Elizabeth Moore. Elizabeth is a lover of people. She is naturally joyful, upbeat, and optimistic but has had walked through a difficult season when she simply couldn’t fake being fine. Instead of feeling like her normal bubbly self, she felt numb, sad, flat and even angry. But Elizabeth has wisdom to share from walking that hard road. She learned how to fight for her happy when it wasn’t easy to come by. Elizabeth and I chat about what happiness and joy is, what you can do when you don’t feel happy or joyful, and practical simple steps for rediscovering joy.

So for the month of November, we will indeed tackle the topic of happiness, joy, and gratitude and we will do it together. I’ll be sharing my revelations from my chats with some of the girls on my team as I engage with their thoughts and experiences.

My hope is that the topic for this month will minister to you deep down. I always try to share in my writing and speaking from a place of authenticity and transparency so that you know you are not alone. So if you are struggling to find joy as we quickly approach what should be a joyful season — I get it.

We can work on this area of our lives together.

Highlight from Today’s Episode:

  • The role parents play in giving their kids a foundation for joy
  • Practical ways to get out of a funk
  • Simple steps to rediscovering joy

Resources From Today’s Show 


 ==> Click to Tweet 

  • “Give yourself grace to feel.” Elizabeth
  • “Emotions should guide you not govern you.” Chrystal
  • “The parallel train tracks of joy and sorrow are always running side by side throughout our lives.” Kay Warren
  • “The people of God ought to be the happiest people in all the wide world! People should be coming to us constantly and asking the source of our joy and delight.” A. W. TOZER

 ==> General Links 

Let’s Talk!

After you’ve listened to the podcast, I’d love to continue the conversation. Be sure and leave a comment!

  1. Are you struggling with a lack of happiness and joy? If so, why is that?
  2. What are your thoughts about the differences or simularity between happiness and joy?
  3. What do you typically do to get out of a “funk”?
  4. After listening to today’s episode, what did you find most encouraging to hear?

Connect with me…

How to Listen to The Podcast

If you’re new to podcasts, think of them like little radio shows that you can listen to at your convenience. They are perfect to listen to and learn from as you workout, fold laundry, wash dishes or conquer the world.

1. Listen right here on the blog. Click the little play button at the beginning of this post.

2. Listen on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Play! – Be sure and subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! Also, if you would be so kind as to leave a rating on iTunes and/or write a 2-3 sentence review there or on Stitcher?  Your commentary or rating helps make the podcast more “findable” by others who might not know it exists!

3. Share today’s show –   Email the link to a friend or share on social media. Just click on the sharing buttons at the bottom of this post!

You have been so great to join me on the journey here on the blog, I hope you jump right in do the same on the podcast!

By |2017-11-06T23:48:48+00:00November 6th, 2017|Faith, Podcast|12 Comments
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  1. Candice November 6, 2017 at 3:56 pm - Reply

    For me happiness is connected to what is happening and joy is a a deep set contentment despite what may be happening. I was accused of threatening to kill myself and my kids and then had my oldest kids removed from my home in 2015. I WAS NOT HAPPY! And honestly some days I struggled to even find joy. I didn’t want to hear the joy of the LORD is our strength. I just wanted to pull the cover over my head and cry hoping the nightmare would go away. I isolated myself but I clung to God. I was honest before God. I listened to the song “Thy Will Be Done” over and over. How did I get out of my “funk” ? I showered! Because some days I didn’t have the strength to shower. I showered myself with the word and with music and the hope of a brighter day.

    • Chrystal Hurst November 6, 2017 at 4:09 pm - Reply

      A shower will do it!!!!! Physical and spiritual. Thanks for sharing your story!

  2. Jillann Brusstar November 7, 2017 at 6:48 am - Reply

    I wanted to cry because I am here. I am climbing my way out of a deep funk and struggling with the fake happy. Right now i am doing the readings and not feeling in, in the practice of getting back into the reading. Thank you for allowing us to be sad and not telling us to plaster on a fake smile. And for reminding us that we also then have to dust ourselves off and get back to The word.
    I get your emails and rarely make the time for me to listen, but God spoke to me and showed me the topic and I listened. You and Elizabeth helped with the word ninja in giving me the words behind what i was feeling to help me verbalize where I am. Thank you isn’t enough to say for how much this helped me. I didn’t see the comment section after listening so I posted on your fb page last night.

    • Chrystal Hurst November 7, 2017 at 6:50 am - Reply

      So glad this was helpful to u!!! Be encouraged my friend! One step at a time.

  3. Deborah November 7, 2017 at 7:57 pm - Reply

    Wow wow wow. I’ve never listened to someone and feel like they really get where I am, well except my counselor lol. Chrystal, you and Elizabeth really met today in my place of just not happy. My quick back story is I recently got divorced in late September. I left my home in another state to get married. Leaving everything was hard. Now, on top of the divorce my tenant in my home , out of state, left me behind on rent and now I’m facing losing that home as well. I’m not currently working and my youngest child is off to college. To say I feel alone is an understatement. I’m in a drastic life changing transition. I’m so glad you are sharing on this subject. One of the things I’m taking away from the podcast is to try and let go of the shouldve’s and that it’s ok to feel what I feel. I will also hold onto that scripture about God leads us in paths we’ve never seen and He’s making those paths even if I don’t see Him doing that right now. Pray for me as I grow through this season. I’m so thankful to have found you, Chrystal. Getting to know you has been life changing. You’re like the best friend I’ve always needed kind of person. You’re so open and listening to you share it feels like we are chatting over coffee. I have She’s Still There but I’m still reading other books for my season. But in season I will read it. In the mean time this was EXACTLY what I needed to end my day. Be blessed.

  4. Lynn Brown November 8, 2017 at 9:36 am - Reply

    Chrystal…we may be on a similar spiritual wavelength. If there’s such a thing lol I so needed this. I’m usually a very joyful and bubbly person but weeks ago I experienced something that devastated me. In the past, I have faked it but this time I couldn’t. The person who hurt e needed to know how it affected me. I felt led to separate myself from some people. I did tell them that I needed space to deal with what’s going on without giving details. Some took it well…some didn’t. I didn’t and can’t worry about their reactions because I’m realizing everyone isn’t going to be understanding. Most days I feel myself getting back to being happy but I will never be the same. May God truly bless you for this encouragement. I know you said it was hard for you to do but thank God for your obedience.It’s a huge blessing for me. I pray it encourages you as well.

  5. Tambra B. November 8, 2017 at 1:45 pm - Reply

    Hi Crystal!

    Let me first say how much I admire you and work. I so appreciate your genuine-ness (if that is a word) and your transparency.
    I, like you, believe that I am a Jesus Girl as well.

    A little background about myself, I’m 43 years old, single-never married. I have two children: my daughter is 13 and my son is 3. I’m not a preacher’s kid, but my parents sent me to a private Christian school for all of my grade school years, and I’ve been active in church all of my life. I’m an only child. And no, I don’t believe I’m spoiled! LOL Blessed and fortunate is what I usually tell people.

    About a month ago I went to a Christian bookstore looking for “something” to speak to my heart and my soul. I’ve been in this place of seeking information to better myself emotionally and spiritually. There are area’s of my life where I feel like something is missing and I just can’t seem to find it. Its as if I’m searching for a lost puzzle piece to my life.
    I probably walked around that bookstore for about 2 hours looking through the books, trying to decide on which book would help me to locate the missing piece. An employee of the store gave the 10 minutes to close announcement, so . I chose to purchase your book She’s Still There. At that time I didn’t know fully know who you were, you name looked familiar, I knew I had seen your name before but could not remember where.
    When I got home I read the back cover, and the Forward (did not know that you and Priscilla Shirer were sisters)! Then of course reading more , I found out who your father was! I was truly excited that I was going to get to read your book and was hoping there would be a some kind of shift in my life.

    Your book laid on my night stand for 2 weeks. Every night I told myself I was going to pick it up and read it, only to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I badly wanted to get into the book, but time and exhaustion would not allow me.
    So I did the next best thing: I purchased the audio version on audible.com! That was my life saver!!!! I listened while driving to and from work.There were moments where I sat in my vehicle, in my driveway, and just listened until I had to go in the house.
    Your words and advice felt like they were coming from a genuine friend. For that I’m very appreciative.
    I have listened to your book 2 times so far and am listening to your podcasts

    Our life stories have some similarities, I wish I could sit down with you and tell you what my 43 years of life has been like. A lot of good, and a lot of not so good. But praise be to Jesus that I am still here.

    Thank you Crystal, for letting God use you in the ways He has. You have been a new found blessing to my life.
    God’s peace and blessings be unto you.

  6. Demi November 9, 2017 at 4:53 am - Reply

    This has been the toughest time for me because it seems everything that could has hit me all at once. A new job with a manager and co-workers that have made it unpleasant. I was hating going into work almost daily. A personal health issue. Daughters not doing what they should and being who God would want them to be. A health issue for my Mother that made me so sad I could hardly think of anything pleasant. Happy what is that? Joy where are you? Thankful for scripture, church, hope, family and chosing to be happy in spite of. Moods like a roller coaster ride. Thank you for this outlet and for sharing.

  7. Tammie November 14, 2017 at 10:34 am - Reply

    This podcast is exactly what I need right now! I am in a deep funk where I am battling it out in my own mind to make myself put one foot in front of the other. I fight to make myself get out of bed, go to work, do all of the things for my family, and lead my small group. I am trying so hard to pour into others and I think my bucket is empty! I love your podcast and loved listening to Elizabeth Moore’s story and her perspective on how to cope in this season! Thank you for all you do to be transparent with your listeners and to keep us going! Much love!!!

  8. Dora November 21, 2017 at 8:56 am - Reply

    This was exactly what I needed to hear. It is okay to have a bad day. I am carrying a heavy load right now and feel very weighted down. With the holiday season approaching I find that I get frustrated because if I am not full of Happy then I am not enjoying this season. To be reassured that it is okay to have a bad day. I enjoyed hearing Elizabeth Moore’s story.

  9. april November 28, 2017 at 11:15 am - Reply

    Thank you so much Chrystal and Elizabeth for sharing this podcast. May He bless you both richly and your families for sharing as you do. God really used your message to encourage me to keep going and in this faith battle. I was able to pass it on to other struggling sisters as well. God is SO faithful to provide what we need when we need it. I recently had a sweet sister in the faith ask me to write my story for her blog. So, for any sister out there who is needing a reminder of God’s love and faithfulness, here is a link to God story He is writing in my life. So feel free to check it out. We need each other. Not to compare our shortcomings with another sister’s strengths but to just lift each other up no matter what season or stage of the journey we are on,


  10. Debra March 10, 2018 at 12:17 am - Reply

    Hi Chrystal, I really enjoyed listening to your podcast, and I can relate to Ms. Elizabeth about the part when she mentioned, she needed a change of environment. In my heart, I think if I move from Pickens County I can find my way. In one year, I lost everything with my health starting it off. I was like one of the women that did the series on enough, when my nerves started to come against my body, God knew that was something I couldn’t fix, so he had me just where he wants me. I were so tired of wearing different masks. But now my question is, where do I go from here and how do I begin again?

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