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Are you the kind of person who struggles to ask for help? When things get tough, are you left to pick up the pieces on your own? I want you to know that God never meant for you to deal with life alone. You deserve a supportive community that is consistently in your corner.

And I know that while many women long for community, developing true friendships is not always as simple as it sounds. You may avoid deep connection with others for fear of betrayal or rejection. This fear is often a valid one. Unfortunately, former friends may have turned into enemies. Someone you once confided in may have shared something you said in confidence. Someone may have even damaged your reputation by spreading lies about your character. After years of giving friendship a try, you may feel like the risk isn’t worth the reward.

And truthfully, the vulnerability and authenticity required to go deeper in relationships often feels scarier than being alone.

But sometimes all it takes is one good friendship with one good sister to know that real community is possible and worth it. I’m reminded of this every time I connect with my friend Toni Collier. She is a mover and shaker in the faith space, serving as host of the Still Coloring Podcast, leading her women’s ministry, Broken Crayons Still Color, and writing inspirational books. Her new book, Don’t Try This Alone: How to Build Deep Community When You Want to Hide From Your Pain, will take you on a healing journey that she’s had to first walk herself.

 

In this episode of The Sister Circle Podcast, I chat with Toni about her journey in embracing community after heartbreak. Now, this wouldn’t be a conversation with Toni if we didn’t go off topic a time or two about everything from my chicken pot pie recipe to Toni’s new love for running, but that’s what good girl talk is all about. As you grow deeper in your friendships, my hope is that you will find friends with whom you can go beyond the surface while still enjoying a good laugh.

And even more than good conversation, my hope is that you will find and hold on to good friends who show up for you in good times and in bad. 

During our conversation, Toni called out three qualities of good friends:

  • Good friends won’t let you hide. – In times when you’re tempted to isolate yourself, a true friend will encourage you to come out of hiding and help guide you back to the support you need to get through it.
  • Good friends are safe friends. – Safety is built over time. After building deeper connections with your people, you’ll know, after trusting them with a little, that you can begin to trust them with much more.
  • Good friends are God-ordained. – Even if you and your friend are in different seasons of life or come from different backgrounds, you know that your friendship is an “iron sharpens iron” connection. (Proverbs 27:17)

You’ll be hard-pressed to find the perfect friend (outside of Jesus, of course), but if you have at least one person in your corner, then you’re doing pretty good. I challenge you to go beyond the surface in your friendships. And if you long for the closeness that only a sister-friend can provide, let me leave you with this prayer.

Dear Lord,

You know how much I long to have good friends in my life. Help me to be the kind of friend I desire to have. Open my eyes to opportunities for community that I may have overlooked. Please give me the courage to pursue friendships that you place in my path, and to ask the deep questions to strengthen my existing connections.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen

 

Highlights from Today’s Episode

  • Finding friendship through authenticity
  • Thriving in safe environments 
  • Slowing down in hectic seasons

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Let’s Talk!

  1. What parts of yourself do you hide from others for fear that you won’t be accepted?
  2. Which environments support the kind of community you want for your life?
  3. What is one question you can ask a friend to strengthen your connection?

 

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