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Is it time for you to set boundaries in your friendships? I know this is a deep question, so let’s break this thing all the way down.

Let me start by saying this: It’s also okay for you to communicate your limits with your acquaintances and even your besties. 

Not only is it okay, but setting boundaries with friends is often necessary for the health of your friendships.

Friends are such a special kind of relationship because they are, in essence, the family you choose. It’s worth honoring that choice with clear communication about your limits so that you can exist in a dynamic that benefits both you and your friends.

So, how do you begin to establish boundaries in a way that won’t run off all of your people? I’m so glad you asked! Allow me to share a few things to consider when it comes to setting boundaries with friends.

 

Be honest with yourself 

Work on being honest with yourself first so you can be transparent with those you care about. Think about your personality. Are you an introvert who needs time alone to recharge after a weekend with friends? Are you an extrovert who constantly needs to hear from your friends throughout the week? Take an honest look at yourself. What do you need in order to be your best self? Not sure? Ask those who know you best about your patterns. Take the time to journal and get your thoughts about yourself and your life out in the objective open. Understanding what you need in your friendships is key to showing up as your best self. Trust me, you don’t want to feel drained by your friends constantly. You don’t want to feel like there’s a lack of connection, either. As you learn more about what you need in relationships, you can begin to notice when things aren’t working for you.

Recognize unhealthy dynamics 

Sometimes, a boundary must be set after a major rift tears the friendship apart. But why wait for things to get that bad? It’s better to be proactive in noticing the need for boundaries. Think about your most important friendships. Do you find yourself feeling like you’re the one keeping your friendship afloat? If you feel that things are one-sided or unfair, it’s time to have a heart-to-heart with your friend. If your interactions leave you feeling overwhelmed or unheard, it may be time to set boundaries for how much you are willing to invest in the friendship. And even if things are good, which I hope they are, you can limit how often you can hang out, what you’re willing to share, and your friend’s level of access to you based on what you feel comfortable with.

Communicate with clarity

Listen, I get how expressing boundaries can be scary at first. Maybe you don’t want to rock the boat in your relationships. You may think you’re keeping the peace when you avoid hard conversations, but if it comes at the cost of your well-being, it’s too great a price to pay. Sure, it feels good to be there for others and to be someone others like being around. But if they care about you and the friendship is healthy, it can withstand you voicing your concerns with love and clarity. Know that when you begin setting standards in your relationships for what you will and won’t allow, your friends may respond with disappointment, distance, or even disapproval. That is okay. Your boundaries are about you and what you need. 

Setting boundaries with your friends is an act of self-acceptance and self-love. It shows your friends that you understand and value yourself and the health of your relationship with them.

When you lovingly express your needs, concerns, and limits in your friendships, you give your friends the freedom to support you and be transparent with you, too.

Sounds like a win-win to me.

If you believe your friendships are worth the fight, be willing to say the words that need to be said. Your future self will thank you for expressing your needs to the people in your life.

Highlights from Today’s Episode

  • Being honest with yourself
  • Recognizing unhealthy dynamics
  • Communicating with clarity

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Let’s Talk!

  1. Are there any friendships in your life that would benefit from better boundaries?
  2. What specifically needs to change in your friendships based on what you know to be true about yourself?
  3. How will you communicate your needs to the people that matter most to you?

 

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