#142 – How to Be Happy When You’re Not – Part 3

#142 – How to Be Happy When You’re Not – Part 3

How can you be happy when you aren’t honest about the fact that you’re hurting?

Ouch… that one stings.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve not taken the time to pay attention to what my emotions are telling me about my heart or a place in my heart that needed healing.

In this third segment of the series on happiness, fighting the “funk”, and healing the heart, I tackle the importance of honesty, authenticity, and truth with your self. And once again, I have the privilege or looking at the topic with a friend.


How often do we move too fast, do too much, or stay too busy to pay attention to the way we really feel or the pain that has impacted us? Do you ever feel the tears coming and fight them back, determined not to lose your cool? Or maybe you’ve found yourself crying, despite your efforts to control them, but didn’t know why?

As I share in She’s Still There, while it’s true that emotions shouldn’t govern us, they do, in fact, guide us to pay attention to the parts of our souls that may need some TLC.

On this podcast, I’m joined by Melinda Bowens who shares practical steps to moving towards your happy even when you hurt.

Melinda is a college professor and also a licensed marriage and family therapist. But even those who counsel others have to learn how to deal with trauma and work through difficult emotions themselves.

Melinda shares how she learned to care for her own heart after not giving herself adequate room to grieve her father’s passing. A naturally positive and upbeat person, she didn’t realize that she needed to own her feelings and to be honest about how her loss effected her. Because Melinda has walked the road of not giving herself space to heal, she knows exactly how to help someone else who needs to do just that.

What I love about today’s conversation is the number of “ah-hah” moments I had personally in hearing Melinda share her experiences.  I have a new found understanding of the importance of knowing your “why”, taking your thoughts captive, and deciding to do “one thing”. Even with Melinda’s natural disposition, she’s had her share of difficult moments and she has learned how to take care of the girl in her during seasons where that girl was hurting.

Don’t we all need to learn how to do just that?

Today I encourage you to listen however and whenever you can, but don’t be too far from a pen and paper. You are bound to have some “ah-hah” moments yourself and may want to be ready to write down some take-aways that shed light into the corners of your own life. You will also be challenged to make different decisions that will lead to increase your own level of happiness and joy.


Highlight from Today’s Episode:

  • What happens when we don’t take time to heal
  • The importance of allowing yourself to feel
  • How to know if you need professional help for your “funk”
  • Releasing yourself from the superwoman syndrome

Resources From Today’s Show 

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Let’s Talk!

After you’ve listened to the podcast, I’d love to continue the conversation. Be sure and leave a comment!

  1. Do you struggle with allowing yourself to feel?
  2. Is there a life situation for which you haven’t taken the time to heal?
  3. What practical decision can you make today to take one step forward?


Connect with me…

How to Listen to The Podcast

If you’re new to podcasts, think of them like little radio shows that you can listen to at your convenience. They are perfect to listen to and learn from as you workout, fold laundry, wash dishes or conquer the world.

1. Listen right here on the blog. Click the little play button at the beginning of this post.

2. Listen on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Play! – Be sure and subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! Also, if you would be so kind as to leave a rating on iTunes and/or write a 2-3 sentence review there or on Stitcher?  Your commentary or rating helps make the podcast more “findable” by others who might not know it exists!

3. Share today’s show –   Email the link to a friend or share on social media. Just click on the sharing buttons at the bottom of this post!

You have been so great to join me on the journey here on the blog, I hope you jump right in do the same on the podcast!

By |2017-11-26T18:45:10+00:00November 20th, 2017|Faith, Podcast|18 Comments
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  1. Shermell November 20, 2017 at 2:49 pm - Reply

    I truly enjoyed this blog today. It is not easy to be this honest about such a hard place. I had been stuck for quite sometime in grief and decided that this year it is time to get unstuck. I must admit that the words “until it hurts” scares me, but I know that its time to feel again. I have been reading “She’s Still there”Since I got it in July. I am taking my time and not rushing so I can to the work of rescuing the girl inside. I would love to add Melinda’s book to my daily read! Thank you both for your courage to share your stories.

    • Melinda Bowens November 28, 2017 at 11:00 pm - Reply

      I’m so happy you enjoyed!!! It’s amazing how making the decision to be “unstuck” can change everything!! Also, thinking of the words “until it hurts” is still scary to me as well! But God will definitely be right there when you want to shrink back!

  2. Vonetta November 20, 2017 at 4:43 pm - Reply

    Thank you, Chrystal, and Malinda. I love this series of How to be Happy when you’re not… But I really enjoyed today. Learning it is okay to say we are not okay. Malinda gave me chills when she mentioned that she had she hit walls. “I can’t help you because I refuse to help myself”. My wall is like Malinda, when she mentioned how do you forgive a Parent who has hurt you and Malinda’s response gave me chills. Because this is my story, my Father spent my entire childhood in prison because he decided to take my Mother’s life. And at that moment I thought I had not truly forgiven my Dad but I that is what I am going to work on. Because my lack of forgiveness is causing unhappiness in other areas in my life. Thank you both for your honesty.

    • Melinda Bowens November 28, 2017 at 11:08 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much for sharing. Our stories are similar. Even after leaving, my father attempted to take my mother’s life. The pain and heartbreak are also met with confusion about your father. The fact that you are brave enough to tackle the journey of healing speaks volumes to your strength!!! Please remember that!!!

  3. Quantrilla Ard November 20, 2017 at 10:56 pm - Reply

    This was precisely what I needed. I can relate on sooooo many levels to this entire conversation. Sometimes you don’t know what you don’t know until someone holds that mirror up to your face, and you can’t escape it. Thank God for you both, this is such a necessary discussion!

    • Melinda Bowens November 28, 2017 at 11:11 pm - Reply

      You said that! We really don’t know what we don’t know. Having an open heart to learn and reflect is a great place to be!

  4. Jean November 21, 2017 at 4:35 am - Reply

    This podcast definitely resonated with something in me. So many times in my life I have felt the strongest urge to “be normal” even in the very midst of tragedy. But, what ended up happening is very similar to what Melinda was talking about. I just changed. I shut out the very people that I needed and I was so numb to what was going on that I didn’t know how to ask for help. I eventually went to counseling because this issue just eroded my marriage and when the therapist started asking me why questions, only then did I fully realize what was happening. I am an active duty military Mom of 2, and my husband is active duty as well, so I have those draining days and moments when I’m just not happy with where I’m at. But I love what Melinda said about doing one thing that day to make a positive turn. For me it’s lipstick! I love bright colors and I am not allowed to wear much makeup in my day to day work so on the weekends which is usually my down time, I put on some lipstick! Then I tackle the laundry or whatever it is that I need to do. It makes me feel like I have that extra confidence to get out there and face the day. In my own life and experience, I have learned that I need to stop focusing on how others will perceive me when I’m in these funks and really just be okay with maybe not being okay. Over the last two years or so I have been dealing with issues of chronic pain. Now I am 32 years old and this was a big thing that started to affect my life at work and outside of work. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I felt like at work I had to perform at a certain level that I couldn’t physically do anymore but I did it anyways. At home, I felt like the worst mom ever because I had pushed myself so hard at work that I physically was spent. I have never felt so down in my life. Not only does the chronic pain remind me of what my physical limitations are, but it made me feel mentally broken, spirituallly broken, and I just didn’t know how to deal. My church has been praying for me, I was praying for me and I’m still here on this journey. The breaking point for me was when I felt so overwhelmed at work and my issues seemed misunderstood, that I really just wanted to cry. I tried to suppress the feeling because who cries at work in the middle of the day, in the middle of the office? Well, this girl did! I was so overwhelmed and tired of putting on this facade that I was fine that I just burst out into tears! Uncontrollable tears. It was after that meltdown that I realized I am my own worst enemy. I needed to stop being my enemy and start being my own advocate. I started going to counseling to talk about these guilty feelings and to talk about how I needed to listen to my body and stop when it’s trying to tell me to slow down. But, all of that was fine except I felt mentally trapped. I felt trapped in my own body. I didn’t know how to deal with this. And one morning when I was having my Jesus time at the crack of dawn, I just felt God saying when are you going to surrender? And I didn’t understand! Surrender? I felt surrendered in many ways, but at that moment something clicked. I said Lord, I surrender all of this to You. I surrender all of these feelings and doubts and pain and I know Your ways are higher and Your thoughts are higher and I’m holding onto that no matter what. After that moment can I tell you how much peace flooded my heart? I was 100 pounds lighter inside. I don’t feel trapped anymore. I didn’t feel overloaded and anxious. I felt okay. I felt like myself again. I felt whole. Now, I’m not physically healed, and I’m still struggling with the chronic pain, but God has given me the best point of view to do this, His own! So yes, in my current struggles, when I feel overwhelmed and funky and blah, I ask myself if I have truly surrendered whatever it is. Because in my case, most of the time I have not fully surrendered.

    • Chrystal Hurst November 26, 2017 at 6:28 pm - Reply

      Wow! Thanks for sharing your story Jean. I know your thoughts will be an encouragement to others.

    • Melinda Bowens November 28, 2017 at 11:20 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much for sharing in such a full and transparent way!! The way God changes our minds, eyes and hearts to what surrender looks like is mind blowing sometimes! Continue to share your testimony!

  5. Terrence November 21, 2017 at 7:51 am - Reply

    This was my first time listening to your Podcast and I am so glad I did. The “why” statement was amazing. This will really help me put things in perspective. Thank you all so much for sharing.

  6. Liza Love November 21, 2017 at 8:13 am - Reply

    Hi Chrystal! First of all i have adopted you as my big sister.. at least in my head! 😊 I found you on Instagram about 4 years ago and didn’t have a clue of who you were but I was being inspired and encouraged by your posts. I follow you on all social media to make sure I never miss a post. I even won one of book giveaways. 😃

    The reason I’m messaging you is to say Thank you for the last podcast #142 with Melinda Bowen’s. I felt as tho you all were talking to me and about me. I could definitely identify with not styling my hair in over a week and I have no little kids in-fact my only child is in college.
    I know about getting overwhelmed because of trying to go straight from getting out of bed to being the person I want to be now and some of what I used to be.
    I know about snapping at my loved ones, having little patience, grace or mercy because I’m unaware until afterwards that I’m need to deal with something in my life that’s not right with within me.
    I also know about feeling like I never had a testimony. I thought because I trusted God, stayed close to him and never strayed too far away; I felt I didn’t have a testimony. I’ve always had one and an even bigger one in the making! 🙌🏽
    There is such a thin line between moving forward one step at a time and becoming too busy and not taking time to heal.
    The thin line I struggle with the most is the line between taking time to slow down to heal and slowing down too much to where I’m barely moving at all.
    Thank you both for reminding me that I need to own my humanness, feel to heal and tell myself the truth. Thanks for reminding of something a past therapist told me about starting with just one ☝🏽 thing and today that will be my hair! 💁🏽‍♀️

    • Chrystal Hurst November 21, 2017 at 9:07 am - Reply

      So glad this was helpful!!!

  7. Angela Guerrero November 21, 2017 at 12:40 pm - Reply

    The “Why” really struck me in today’s podcast. I’ve always related my “Why” to my network marketing business, but never really considered it for my day to day tasks. When Chrystal spoke of the memories that she wanted her family to have for Thanksgiving, to motivate her to supercede her current desires for future gain, I could totally relate.

    I could also identify with the guest, Melinda Bowens. I enjoy serving others and doing more for others more than I would even do for myself. I know that if I really want my prayers for others not to be hindered, I need to make sure I am in right standing and fellowship with God myself. My prayers for others often override my personal feelings.

    This is my first time ever commenting on any podcast, though I am a long time fan and supporter of Chrystal’s Chronicles, but I just couldn’t miss the opportunity to let you know that this “Why” has changed my perspective on so many areas of my life. Thank you!!

    • Chrystal Hurst November 24, 2017 at 8:28 am - Reply

      Glad to hear from you Angela and glad to know how this podcast was helpful!

  8. Shonda November 22, 2017 at 10:03 pm - Reply

    This podcast has come at such a perfect time! I have been in a funk for several months because…life. And I have been questioning my faith in terms of quantity and quality, as a result. I have been pushing myself to “get over it” and “move on” because “Christians ought to be the happiest people in the world.” This series has been helpful in providing practical applications and helpful in releasing so much unnecessary pressure. I appreciate you and the women who have been joining you in on this discussion.

  9. Princess November 30, 2017 at 7:06 am - Reply

    I’ve definitely had that “over time” testimony. I’ve experienced my characterbeing tested as my liberty and independence expanded as a young adult.

  10. Debra March 14, 2018 at 1:39 pm - Reply

    I enjoyed listening to You and Mrs. Melinda on podcast 142 today, and I would love to have the book until it hurts. Because right now, I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride. Every time I think i am moving forward, I find myself going backwards, I just can’t get a grip on letting go of what I have lost and look forward to what I have and can gain. I isolate myself from others except when I must go out, only. I am moved more by my emotions. I like what Mrs. Melinda said, trying to make everybody think I have it all together, when in reality I am falling apart. People need people.

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