What If I Really Loved… My Boys?

What If I Really Loved… My Boys?

This post was not originally a part of the “What If I Loved” couplet of posts written for Valentine’s Day.  

But ultimately it’s about love, the love I have for my boys, so here goes…

I’ve deliberated this weekend about whether or not to even publish this post because of the assumptions people may make about me. I assure you, my goal in writing this is not to be divisive or to make any of my friends with a “lighter hue” uncomfortable.  But these are my honest thoughts and I think we will live in a healthier world if we are free to respectfully share… and then have conversations surrounding the realities that exist in the world we live in.

It’s Saturday evening. I’ve been sitting here watching CNN for the live reporting of the Dunn Trial in Florida.  I watched as the jury verdict was read and then watched some of the aftermath on CNN as well as lots of emotions and logic spewed on Twitter.  

This is not another post about the merits of the prosecutor’s case or the defendant’s counteraction.

This is not another post to debate the fairness of the our justice system.

This is a me being a mom.

Having a gut level reaction.

I’ve absorbed a lot of legal mumbo jumbo that I’m sure very smart people will be deliberating for weeks to come.

I respect our legal system and I respect those who work in it and continually labor to make it better.

But I’m a mom.

I’m a mom to three young black boys.

My three sonsPhoto credit via pharrisphotography.com

So I can’t help but have a personal and emotional response to this case that centers around another mother’s son.

Her black son.

And the thing is… I’m not one to draw color lines.

In fact, I recently had to tell one of my sons that he was black.  He didn’t believe me.

In fact, the conversation started because he mentioned in passing that one of his brothers was “white” – just like me.

When I proceeded to try to explain to him that everyone in our family, while different shades of brown skin were all brown and in fact considered to be “black” people, American people of African descent, he insisted that I wasn’t right.

He was brown.

I was white or at best “yellow”.

And after our very confusing conversation, he still didn’t think that it mattered anyway.

We have so many people of so many different colors and backgrounds in our lives, he doesn’t think it matters at all.

But I love my boys.

My young black boys.

What would happen if I really loved?

So if I love them, what would I tell them?

How would I teach them to think about themselves and the world that we live in?

I would teach them that they are made in the image of God.

I would tell them that they are just as capable, intelligent, and beautiful as any other being walking on this planet.

I would tell them that they deserve the same level of honor and respect as any other person in this world and certainly within the country in which we live.

I would teach them that the color of their skin is just like any color that they might see in a rainbow – each one is a amazingly unique and wonderfully magnificent by itself while also lending it’s color to the beauty of the whole spectrum.

I would tell them to appreciate their uniqueness as well as their contribution to the whole.

I would teach them that regardless of what other people may say and regardless of what they see in mass media about other people that  share their darker shaded pigment, they are amazing and have the potential for greatness within their reach.

And I would teach them to reach… and reach hard.

But I would also teach them that we live in a fallen world.

I would teach them that there are still those that will make judgement calls about them because of the color of their skin.

I would teach them that sometimes in their life they will have to work harder then everybody else to prove they are just as good as everybody else.

I would teach them to be careful.  I would tell them not to give opportunity to others to incorrectly assume them to be some real life example of a current cultural stereotype.

I would teach them that they won’t have to just care about how they represent themselves.  I would tell them to watch who they hang out with and that the company they keep will many times represent them too.

I would teach them that while they should be able to freely choose what to wear or what music to listen to, there are those fear hoodies and loud music. Deal with it.

I would teach them that there are people that simply don’t value their life – their beautiful, unique, God-given, one-of-a-kind life.

And I would also teach them that no matter what they do, there are certain things they need to know if in a threatening situation that other people  may never need to be aware of.  Always let them see your hands.

I use the wise words of Benjamin Crumb, attorney for Trayvon Martin’s family, to tell my boys that, “Yes, your life is valuable, but the rules are simply different’ and that I would be ‘intellectually dishonest not to share that truth with them.'”

I would teach them that while many people will not see or understand the reality in which they live, it doesn’t make it any less real.

And I would teach them that despite the fallen world that we they live in, they can rise above.

They are not victims.

They are not a statistic.

They are not defined by a world that may try to define them.

And just like every loving mother of any shade, color, or race should do…

I would teach my boys, in fact I am teaching my boys, that they are immaculately designed individuals, the likes of which this planet has never seen and will never seen again.

My heart goes out to both the Dunn and Martin families in the wake of their loss of their sons.

I’d love to know what your honest thoughts are regarding the Dunn Trial or my post.

Share by leaving a comment.

By |2016-12-05T17:54:15+00:00February 17th, 2014|Family|81 Comments
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  1. Tonya February 17, 2014 at 7:31 am - Reply

    Woooo!! Thank you so much for this post!!! Lord knows this is just what my heart was saying. While I am not a mother of a black boy, I am a mother and I believe that this applies to our daughters as well. I also never draw color lines but I could not help but be emotional in my gut about the decision and question the fairness of the judicial system. I too believe that Benjamin Crumb’s statement, “Yes, your life is valuable, but the rules are simply different’ and that I would be ‘intellectually dishonest not to share that truth with them.'” We must share this truth with our black children (boys and girls) and their children. Thank you for sharing your heart Chrystal. This is definitely received.

  2. Kesha H February 17, 2014 at 8:04 am - Reply

    Thank you for this post. It speaks volumes. While I’m not a mother I’m an aunt of a wonderful black young man who I value and love. These words that you wrote where my very thought for him any young black boy God blesses me with. The way you articulated this was beautiful!

  3. Miki February 17, 2014 at 8:18 am - Reply

    What a blessing to see this post that captured everything I felt about the verdict. As a mom of 2 black boys (8 and 5), my heart aches for Jordan Davis’s mom, to whom the system said, His life doesn’t matter. On the one hand, it was nothing new – on the other, it was a painful reminder of the reality that we and our children live. In any event, it was heartbreaking. I’m learning (and Kingdom Woman helped!) to do everything I do – including the mundane child-rearing tasks – to God’s glory and with a thankful heart. Last night as I sighed at a sinkful of dirty dishes after dinner, I reminded myself that Jordan Davis’s mother would love to have had a sinkful of his dirty dishes after celebrating her son’s birthday last night – but she didn’t. As I look for God in these situations, I’m reminded that through them, He can teach us who have little ones (or big ones) still here with us, to love them all the more, teach them more, and perhaps most importantly to reach out to those children who don’t have a stable foundation in this fallen world. From a fellow Kingdom Woman, mom of brown boys, PK, and wannabe runner 🙂 — thank you for sharing.

  4. Lisa February 17, 2014 at 8:18 am - Reply

    This is so true and unfortunately necessary. I am also a mom of three African American boys and have to raise them to be conscious of the ignorance and differential treatment that is effecting them. It has become an issue in their schools and they are becoming so frustrated with the differences being made. However, I trust that God has annointed me to guide them to be the men of God that He has called them to be and pray that there will always be a hedge of protection around them. It’s unfair but I have to believe that Gods grace is sufficient. Thanks for your posts they are uplifting and inspiring. I thank God for the ministry that your family has. Thank you for being an Godly example of a wife and mother for ALL people to see what a Proverbs 31 woman looks like. Be blessed and continue to speak from the heart.

  5. Sarah February 17, 2014 at 8:26 am - Reply

    I think a lot of those points are things that Caucasian moms have to teach too. That our children need to be more open minded to hoodies and loud music. That we don’t get to put any color in a stereotype box and that sometimes they will have to overcome the box as well. Well said and something every shade of the rainbow must address for the sake of the Kingdom.

  6. Jan February 17, 2014 at 8:35 am - Reply

    Thank you for sharing from your heart today. We do need to be honest and real with one another. We are to build up and not tear down. We are to look at each child as a gift from God. Those of us who are blessed to be called the Sons and Daughters of God need to set examples for others in our lives. For those who don’t have someone to raise them in the admonition and nurture of the Lord – need to reach out to those who need guidance in their lives to raise their children.

    The only thing that is fair in life is that we all have the opportunity to come to know Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.

    Moms – we need to get down on our knees and ask God to protect all of our children. That we pray for wisdom and knowledge and especially grace in our lives to spill over onto our children and others.

    Thank you Chrystal for your open honesty.

    • Chrystal February 17, 2014 at 9:14 am - Reply

      Thanks Jan for the reminder to keep prayer for our children front and center.

      • Pam February 19, 2014 at 1:25 pm - Reply

        Appreciate your sharing. I can not say that I am a mother of a black son or daughter, therefore I can not say that I have walked in your shoes. However, I am a mother of a beautiful blonde, lovely 23 year old Christian woman. She was mercilessly bullied as a young child right up through college because of her appearance, she has labels of ‘dumb blonde’ placed on her. Please know that I am not in anyway disparaging the racial comparison that you have made; Im simply saying that your advise to your children was amazing and should be advise all parents give to their children. America needs to see strong families of diverse cultures teaching our children self respect, civility, kindness, tolerance, compassion, strength of character and moral turpitude. My daughter strongly desires to become a motivational speaker, encouraging young people to dream big, be all they can be and realize that God has a plan for them according to Jeremiah 29:11. She is the author of the book “Bullied Yet Victorious; How I overcame fear with faith”, by Tate Publishing. Thank you for sharing, and may God bless you and all of the lovely ladies who responded to this posting.

        • Yolanda December 4, 2014 at 8:24 am - Reply

          Pam, very well said. It sounds like you did a wonderful job in raising your daughter . I have no doubt she will be an awese motivational speaker.
          I am a mother of a biracial daughter PR & Italian and I teach my daughter respect & love for God, respect for others and respect for self. I don’t tell her people are going to treat her differently because she is bi-racial. They may treat her differently because she is smart, talented, a gentile soul or just because.
          . It is my job, my husband and my daughters job to remain true to God and self. To ask herself when she is in any situation, WWJD ( what would Jesus do). Here, she has responsibility on how she responds and therefore power over the situation vs . being a victim .

  7. Nicole February 17, 2014 at 8:54 am - Reply

    You articulated everything so well! Thank you! I have 2 black sons and every time something like this happens, I battle fear – and I wonder what and when to teach them about our racial history and current realities (they are 6 and 3). You helped to answer the question of “what” to teach them, now I just have to pray on the “when”! Thanks again!

    • Chrystal February 17, 2014 at 9:14 am - Reply

      God will tell you when. He is faithful.

  8. Allison C. Lee February 17, 2014 at 9:00 am - Reply

    Can I be honest here? I’m afraid for your boys too. And I’m also afraid for my 4 little white girls for the same reason. I’m afraid of angry, drunk, high, sex offending, devil seeking, violent men. Black men, white men, pick a color…if they aren’t God fearing, Jesus Christ following, peace keeping lovers of ALL people…they scare me to death.
    The devil is on the prowl, and our children are his greatest prize. I refuse it. I won’t go down like this.
    I will stand with you Christy and beg God to heal this generation, protect our children and I will pray Psalm 91 over all young black boys as well as young white girls. And I will ask Jesus to heal my own heart…help me to see these murders as broken LOST men in desperate need for The Savior.
    And I will weep with the mothers who lost children…and I will pray for justice to be given and I will remember that God gets the final say and that He WILL defend us and anoint our heads with oil in the presence of our enemies. Yes He will.
    I will trust, I will trust, I will trust.
    And I will continue to teach LOVE in my home. We will respect human life, of all colors and nationalities. We will look at the heart, not the skin just as Jesus does.
    Jesus Christ we need you now more than ever. Defend your people Lord.

    • Chrystal February 17, 2014 at 9:14 am - Reply

      Yes. You can be honest. That’s what this post is all about. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  9. kathryn freeman February 17, 2014 at 9:25 am - Reply

    I appreciate your post, but here’s the heartbreaking truth…you can still teach your sons all of these things and they still might be shot just because of the color of their skin. I am teaching a class on Race in the Law and we just covered lynching under Jim Crow, where black men where killed for no reason at all or looking at white women or being interracial relationships. Reading the black newspapers and literature of that time sounds a lot like your post, avoid eye contact, stay on your side of town, stay away from white women, and while the admonitions offered some protection they weren’t really a solution to the reign of terror on black families in the South. I absolutely believe children should be taught to be respectful and kind to everyone they meet. My parents instilled this “twice as good” mentality in me as well, but honestly I am tied of the responsibility to fight racism and end prejudice being on black people. Our children have a right to listen to loud music, defend themselves from assault, and make mistakes without it costing them their lives. Austin Channing Brown works at Willow Creek Community Church and I thought her post captured spot on my Jordan Davis emotions.

    • Chrystal February 17, 2014 at 9:28 am - Reply

      Thanks for sharing Kathryn. I follow Austin on Twitter. I’ll check out her post.

    • Helena December 2, 2014 at 11:53 am - Reply

      The biggest threat to a black man is sadly another black man. That’s what you did to be protesting. That’s a hard truth to quit being in denial about

  10. Sally Clarkson February 17, 2014 at 9:26 am - Reply

    Wise words, indeed, sweet Chrystal. We must all face terrible and fearful thoughts that are true in our times, and then, as you have done, figure out what God wants us to teach our children to arm them to be a light in a dark world. Love your heart and your message.

    • Chrystal February 17, 2014 at 9:27 am - Reply

      Love you Sally. Thanks for taking a moment to stop by and encourage me. See you soon.

  11. Jacquita February 17, 2014 at 9:36 am - Reply

    Your post brought tears to my eyes because as a 38yr old woman , who didn’t grow up in the era of Dr MLK and others that had to fight back then…It saddens me that we are still dealing with those same issues and I now understand greatly. I raised my children to LOVE everyone regardless of a color….BUT to know that there are still certain standards I have to teach them really hurts my heart when it is all because of A COLOR.
    I have a 19yr old son who is in the Army and I am concerned for him but I Relax In God’s Grace and pray that God will keep him everyday in HIS protective custody. Its 2014 and to know A COLOR is still an issue is heart wrenching to me. What keeps me sane is knowing that i have taught my children and all other children that i have dealt with , is LOVE…because in our home HATE is NOT an option…Thank you for sharing and being honest.

    • Chrystal February 17, 2014 at 9:39 am - Reply

      That’s right Jacquita…. I repeat. Hate is not an option.

  12. Tonya February 17, 2014 at 9:44 am - Reply

    Elegant.Truthful.Insightful.Wise.Respectful.Profound.In sheer honesty, I could truly go on and on listing the immeasurable qualities of this post. However, time and words would fail me.I can only pray that God would reveal to you just a fraction of the impact it has. You see, my husband and I are raising our four little black boys ages 11, 12 (twins), and 13, in a very southern climate (Louisiana). This post, at the very least, is life changing for my family and I. Thank you for being led by the Holy Spirit in courage to write this post. Godspeed!!!

  13. Austin February 17, 2014 at 11:48 am - Reply

    Chrystal, I am so sorry that you even have to consider teaching your boys these things. When I tell people how my parents prepared me (and my brother) to be black in America, I sometimes get the question, “Will you teach your children the same?” Following moments like this, I feel like the only acceptable answer has to be yes. Blessings on you as you navigate this as a mom.

  14. Tonia Clark February 17, 2014 at 12:52 pm - Reply

    All I can say is Wow! This really hit home. My son is 23 years old and I have always talked to him about who he hang around with, riding in the car late at night three or four deep as they may call it, the clothes that he wears, etc. it’s sad that that every step that my son takes he has to be careful. This really brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for expressing your thoughts and feelings.

  15. Lynzee February 17, 2014 at 4:06 pm - Reply

    Thanks, Chrystal for opening up a dialogue about this. My heart is so burdened over racial ignorance in this country, my family, and worse of all, within the Body of Christ. Praying God give us compassion, wisdom, and love for all people whom He died for.

    • Chrystal February 17, 2014 at 4:31 pm - Reply

      Lynzee, we won’t solve everything over night but being free to talk about it without having to walk on eggshells is a good start I think.

  16. Ingrid February 17, 2014 at 6:48 pm - Reply

    Chrystal, thank you for sharing! As a mother of two black men, I was deeply saddened when it became chillingly apparent that we needed to talk to them about being black.
    Not that they were unaware of it, but that the mere fact put them at risk. Jordan Dunn and Trayvon Martin could have been any black mother’s son…and that’s what has me praying.

    Two years ago on New Years Day my oldest son was stopped by police on his way home. What was at first a random traffic stop, turned into a traumatic event for him. Due to an administrative error, it was believed he was driving a stolen car. He was asked to get out of his car and then forced to his knees with a gun to his head….

    Had we not had the conversation about what to do in the event something like this happened; we, too could have been mourning a huge loss.

    I appreciate your courage to share your heart in this matter. It’s a conversation mothers of young black men everywhere need to have.

    • Chrystal February 19, 2014 at 10:46 am - Reply

      Wow Ingrid. So sorry that your son had to go through that humiliating experience. Thanks for putting real life example to underscore the truth of this reality.

  17. Carla February 17, 2014 at 9:57 pm - Reply

    I followed the verdict of this trial and the Martin trial. I too and the mother of a black boy, he’s 2 And while everyone right now thinks he’s the cutest thing, he will too grow up to be a black man. I find myself on my knees praying over and for his life more than I ever thought I would. I’ve never been naive’ enough to think that he would NOT be judged by the color of his skin, before the content of his character. But I never thought I would have to question, what is the value of my son’s life to those he may come in contact with. I pray for all our brown and black boys. Thank you so much for putting into words what I’m sure so many other moms are feelings.

  18. Tafadzwa February 17, 2014 at 10:27 pm - Reply

    Great post Chrystal!! Thank you for your transparency. I am not a mother but an aunt to lovely young men. One of my nephew’s who is here to study was born in Zimbabwe. By virtue of being born and raised in a country where black is the majority rule, my nephew has obviously been socialized differently. As a result, he has no qualms about walking in a predominantly white neighborhood at night wearing a hoodie. neither is he privy to the fact that he has to make it a point to make sure his hands are visible in the event that he finds himself in a threatening situation, He has never had reason to tread carefully or fear for his life if he did not adhere to these “unspoken rules”. In a big panic, I had to have a serious conversation with him about shifting his mindset after Trayvon Martin was killed. It broke my heart to pieces that we had to have that conversation. It’s really a a crying shame that a young man who sees no color, has friends that represent what could be a mini United nations and who is comfortable in any environment has to adjust how he lives his life and views the world simply because he is a black man. It is such a travesty and I REALLY wish things could be different but alas!!

    • Chrystal February 19, 2014 at 10:44 am - Reply

      It’s an eye opening reality. And it is heartbreaking.

  19. Becca February 18, 2014 at 5:03 am - Reply

    I’m a white mother to an 8 year old “peach” daughter and a 3 year old “dark brown” son. (quotations would be their own words).
    They are best friends. My daughter is very touchy-feely. Just the other day I was getting on to my daughter to “stop petting his face. That’s not appropriate” (due to the germs enter faces through hands factor).
    My 3yo immediately responded with, “Yeah it IS, Mommy! Sissy WUVS me!”
    It was a moment that was melt-your-heart adorable filled with grateful prayers of thanksgiving for their relationship. Their bond is stronger than any of my sibling relationships times 1,000.
    We are blessed that nearly everyone who ever sees them in public delights in their adoring relationship, which I pray they keep forever.

    BUT. I am not blind to the fact that one day, my babies won’t be babies. And one day, that will be a 16 year old black boy hugging a 21 year old white girl. (This mama can hope that he still wants to hug his sister at 16 😉 ). And one day, the public might not be so adoring about it, to put it kindly.

    It hurts my heart. I’m not naive enough to think that I “get it” all by default of my son. Racial priviledge is real and portions of my life have been molded by it. But a mom’s heart is a mom’s heart, and on a certain level this is something only the parent of a black son’s heart can fully wrench with. I sympathized before, but before our son became our son, the enormity of the reality didnt fully settle in. I pray so much that Holy Spirit will equip my children well and fill in the gaps where I fall short.

  20. Millie Vazquez February 18, 2014 at 10:53 am - Reply

    Thank you so much for this article. It is sad the reality of the world we live in. I am a mother to a beautiful 19 year old girl, and two handsome boys, 17 and 14. We are of Hispanic culture, but my husband is what is considered to be “white” Hispanic, and I am “black” Hispanic, so since my children are mixed (two dark, one light), I have to deal with that reality too, that they might be branded as somebody they are not. Let’s just teach them well and pray for them, all of them, of every color or ethnic background, that the Lord may keep them safe and help them make wise decisions. Thanks again, you are an inspiration.

    • Chrystal February 19, 2014 at 10:42 am - Reply

      Millie, you are right when you point out that profiling or prejudice isn’t only limited to black boys.

  21. T.Jones February 18, 2014 at 3:11 pm - Reply

    Last night I sat with my 18 year old having one of those talks that undoubtedly stung right to her ‘I am a Christ follower’ core because she was not modeling loving Christ-like behavior toward her much younger siblings and she has done so for quite some time now and mom was now saying, Enough is enough.

    Now I do realize that she has been responding out of a hurting ( and some selfishness) place because our family has been challenged with some prolonged stressful issues. So I extended grace but gave a very clear this can no longer be tolerated request for change.

    The biblical characteristics of love are clearly laid out in 1 Corinthians 13:4 and say Love is:
    *Suffers long
    *Not easily provoked
    *Bears all things
    *Hopes all things
    *Endures all things

    This list is not all inclusive and only highlights the violations that I see in my family’s actions toward one another and the actions that brought about the death of a “black boy”.
    I shared about my family moment because I am modeling and teaching my children Christ-like love. It starts in the home and each and every one of us should examine ourselves to see if we are or not doing so.
    There are things we should have an intolerance for like hatred, evil and unrighteousness, but to do so because of the color of someone’s skin is SHAMEFUL and DISTURBING in a civilized society where about 80% of people claim to be Christians.

    Are we REALLY who we think we are?

    This love thing is serious. We have to do better-first with ourselves as individuals, in our families with each other and when we interacting with one another in our world.
    There’s also an element of truth in love that when spoken helps us to grow (change).
    Love never fails. Let’s starting speak truth in love and change our world-for the better!

  22. Carmen February 18, 2014 at 8:06 pm - Reply

    Thank you for sharing your heart. Each time a high profile case returns an astonishing verdict, like the Martin and Dunn cases, my heart aches. I hope that through honest discussions with believers and unbelievers we can bridge the chasm of all the ‘isms’ we face with each other. The truth is that when we try to understand each other, rather than tear down, we can show love to each other. Thanks again for sharing.

    • Chrystal February 19, 2014 at 10:42 am - Reply

      Carmen, you said, “The truth is that when we try to understand each other, rather than tear down, we can show love to each other.” I concur. So very true. Thanks for sharing.

  23. Trina February 19, 2014 at 9:30 am - Reply

    Loved this blog, Chrystal! As a mom of three young black boys (5, 3 1/2 and 10 months) I share your sentiments. I wish that we did not have to teach our boys in 2014 about the evils people have of darker skinned boys, but it is our reality. Our job as parents is to train and pray. And that’s what my husband and I are trying to do. Great blog!

  24. Emily Davis February 19, 2014 at 11:59 am - Reply

    I love this post.
    I love the honesty in it.
    Background – I am white. My husband is mixed-race but our country calls him Black/African American. My son is pretty white, but is Black by “blood standards”. You may remember that the definition was if you have black in you, even a drop, you are considered black….

    We have been through our fair share of racial incidents. Including arguing with the school about our child’s ethnicity and at least one neighbor who didn’t realize my husband is black. Silliness.

    Anyway – Two things happened in our home this weekend. Our ten year old son walked in while we were watching The Butler. It’s one thing to know about Civil strife. It’s another to witness it. And he was hysterical. Bless his heart. Secondly – he realized he was “African American or Black”.

    It is so shameful to me that we have to deal with these things in the year 2014. It’s a shame to me that our Court System is so full of disparity based on wealth and color of skin.

    Here is a good Children’s Book about colors of skin. I’ve read it to my child since he was a toddler. http://www.amazon.com/All-Colors-Earth-Mulberry-Books/dp/0688170625

    You are a better woman than I am. I am furious with our society for being so two-faced and ugly-hearted.
    It’s enough already.

    Great post.

  25. melanee February 20, 2014 at 12:27 pm - Reply

    i hate that all of my black friends with boys have to have these conversations with their boys, but i have girls and i never told them that they were black. their white classmates did. i hate that they are treated differently because of the color of their skin and are made to feel less than, but it gives me the opportunity daily to enforce that they are exactly the way God created them to be. it still hurts my momma heart though. thanks for this.

  26. Judy Kennedy February 20, 2014 at 3:00 pm - Reply

    A beautiful, heartfelt, message from your heart. This is a wonderful, Godfelt message for all of us to give to our children, no matter what color,race, or heritage we come from. May God richly bless you and your beautiful family!

  27. Marchauna Rodgers August 12, 2014 at 12:40 pm - Reply

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I am just beginning to recognize the privileges I have taken for granted as a member of the majority culture. Your post gives me a different perspective and helps me begin to connect on a heart level with the struggles mamas face. I wish I could change the reality right now. But your insight helps me better understand the current reality, which is the first step to addressing a problem. And please accept my humble apology for participating (even unknowingly) in a culture that is so discriminatory. My heart is broken by the awfulness of the reality I didn’t recognize for so long. Thank you again for your insightful post.

  28. Melissa Brodie August 12, 2014 at 5:02 pm - Reply

    Thank you for such an awesome word at a time like this, I pray that I have instilled in my son (20) some of these same things that he will know that h is much more than the world portrays him to be as a young black man.

    God bless you, Chrystal.

  29. Mistie Fair August 12, 2014 at 6:00 pm - Reply

    So thankful for my friend’s posting her friend’s post of your blog. 🙂 (Cheryl Boyd and Shundria Perry)
    I’ve always felt underl-equipped to deal with this very issue. I am a white, adoptive mom of a 22 yr old African-Russian (now)- American son. He knows full well the pain of racism in his home country, and has experienced it here. We are learning not to sin in our anger and to repay evil with good. Hard, ongoing lessons that make us depend on His Power.
    Chrystal, your point of view and loving words echo The Word. I appreciate a fresh perspective as I still parent and share truth, love, and reality with my beuatifully blended son. I can also see this helping as I teach elementary ESL in a very diverse school- good, real, respectful conversation.
    As we seek wisdom in this fallen world, I am thankful that God gives it “generously and without reproach” (James 1:5-6).
    Thank you.

  30. April December 1, 2014 at 1:38 pm - Reply

    Thank you for this article. We are a family of 8; my husband, myself, and 5 of our 6 children are white, my youngest child is black. My youngest son realized this past year (he is 4) that he has darker skin. We never thought anything about it because his cousins are also black. The color of people’s skin has never mattered in our eyes. But we have come to find that it matters to my boy. He is proud of who he is and we are too. From the time my little ones are old enough to understand I teach them safety, right from wrong, reality of this sin-cursed world, justice and injustice, etc. Thank you for this perspective, so that I will be able to teach my son.

  31. Lynn Brubaker December 1, 2014 at 1:43 pm - Reply

    I am not a black mother, but white, so I have never had to walk in a black women’s shoes or raise black sons. I have two white daughters, so in many ways I know I am unqualified to respond. I am so thankful for a calm, healthy and responsible dialogue. After both the Martin and Dunn tragedies, before verdicts, I remember my own conversation with both my daughters. I reiterated to them over and over the consequences of putting themselves in situations where they were breaking the law, or confronting policemen, I explained to them that people carry weapons and you may not know which people, I explained the dangers of going out after dark. I made them sit and watch the news as I showed them that we make choices that will hold us accountable to people we don’t know. In all honesty, I believe I was telling my daughters how to behave and live.

  32. Casondra Radford December 1, 2014 at 2:07 pm - Reply

    Hi there. Thanks so much for sharing these words. I’m not a mother but God has blessed me to be a mentor. I can pass on this same love to the children I mentor. God bless you and your family.

  33. Bonnie December 1, 2014 at 2:37 pm - Reply

    I am a mother of a white son, and I have to say, I feel like I am losing my mind. I really do.

    I just heard of the white man in St. Louis who was pulled out of his car and beaten to death with hammers by two young black teen boys. We don’t know if it has to do with Ferguson, but it certainly seems like it…

    There is so much anger surrounding the race issue, where do we begin?

    I am not convinced that Darren Wilson killed Michael Brown because Darren Wilson scared of black people. BUT *some* are so convinced of this that they will murder white people in retaliation. So what do I teach MY son?? Do I will teach him to be color blind? Or do I teach him that when black people are angry, and feel that someone has been racist to them, they will kill white people indiscriminately? Honestly, I just don’t know what to do any more.

  34. April Roberson December 1, 2014 at 2:42 pm - Reply

    This is a conversation that all mothers of black boys should have with their sons. Kingdom minded mothers think alike. I have 3 sons (17,7,4) and we have this conversation often. My heart goes out to parents who have lost their babies to senseless violence of all colors. Well said Chrystal. Thanks for posting.

  35. Khaki December 1, 2014 at 5:38 pm - Reply

    Please also teach them not to prejudge white people just because they might be angry at an event. And teach them that the best people to speak out against violence and crimes committed by a person or group is a person of their own race, culture, etc.

  36. Terry December 1, 2014 at 5:39 pm - Reply

    This is a wonderful article and I think that there is so much here that can be for all moms to tell their kids regardless of race. Thank you!

  37. Tracy Riendeau December 1, 2014 at 7:17 pm - Reply

    Oh my, well that was so well said and honest that all I can say is “Amazing”, and you get it. You are not black, you are beautiful, your sons are handsome and they have a great role model. This should be a conversation that all parents have with their sons and daughters. It is only through them that the this fallen world can be put right for everyone in the HUMAN RACE. I teach my children, to be careful, not to allow others the unfair opportunities to make assumptions on them, and to know that there is only one race all created in His image uniquely and individually.

    Thank You Chrystal very much for your eloquent words.



  38. PatriciaW December 1, 2014 at 7:36 pm - Reply

    As a mother of three black boys, I say “Thank you.” All that I feel expressed more eloquently than I’very been able to say. I know I’m losing FB friends/acquaintances, many of whom are real life friend/acquaintances with my “political posts”, first about Obama, then Trayvon, and now Mike Brown. But I guess I wear my heart on my social media sleeve. I ache for my children who must live in a world not completely accepting of them, often fearing them, and even hating them. I grieve with the mothers of Trayvon, Jordan, Mike, and all the other young black men struck down needlessly, violently. So I speak out. I can, I must.

  39. Jen December 1, 2014 at 7:51 pm - Reply

    I agree EVERY mother (regardless of race) should teach her children this way <3 GOD Bless

  40. Kathy Barrett December 1, 2014 at 7:55 pm - Reply

    I’m so glad for this dialog. My granddaughter, 5, has been adopted since birth. We are bonded together and it pains me to know that twice already she has been ostracized because of her color. This was done by young children: on the public playground and in her Kindergarten classroom. “We don’t play with black kids,” and “I don’t like black kids,” they said. She’s beginning to be affected I’m afraid because she doesn’t want to go to school. She is the only black child in her room with about 98% white student population. Fortunately, she has a great personality, is very sharp, has an enriched life, loving extended family, and has great values. She is well liked by the adults and has a few friends. I so want to shield her from further discrimination. I have begun to show her examples of Godly successful black women like Condaleesa Rice who once said that she lived above discrimination. I plan on passing along to her mother your blog post so she can better understand how to train our precious grandchild to live above the darts of sin directed towards her. Thank you.
    Ps: I follow your Dad,a messages and have studied/taught two of Priscilla’s Bible studies. Love them both!

  41. Gina December 1, 2014 at 8:15 pm - Reply

    I think we all must teach our children these principles. Although both my children are white, or society has now become so consumed with the “race issues” that I fear for my children as well. Hate abounds. I’ve experienced racism, plp who hated me b/c of my skin color. Recently while in a store an African American lady refused to serve me & told me I was on the wrong side of town. I told her Dr. King fault & died so we wouldn’t have “sides” to towns. My husband was harassed in a grocery store, cussed & threatened by 3 black teen men after the Martin case & my 9 yr old son witnessed the whole thing. We had a long discussion about it when they got home but he still fears being around a group of black men. Regardless of what race you are, there are some plp who will not like you or be intimidated by what you’re representing. Now in America, if you disagree with the president & you’re white, you’re a racist. If you agree with the rulings of these cases where plp made a decision to protect themselves from a person assaulting them & you’re white, you’re labeled a racist. The opinions of white people, if they don’t fit the agenda of social elites or those attempting to use race to divide our country for political power are simply dismissed because white plp are so “privileged” they obviously must be dismissed. Let me tell you how “privileged” I am. I’m the daughter of an alcoholic who grew up watching her mother get beat every weekend & we didn’t have food to eat or decent clothes to wear. I’ve been sexually abused by neighborhood boys (just like my two older sisters) bc there was no one home to watch us & I practically raised my bro- just 3 yrs my jr. We rarely celebrated a holiday, the money was drank up. We didn’t have food many times to eat. My life growing up was hell but I found God. He became my father. I was determined that I wouldn’t live this life, it was not my destiny. God had something better for me. I was the first to graduate high school & college. Today I’m an executive level manager & have two beautiful children who are being told that their opinions don’t matter bc they’re white & “privileged”. They’re automatically rascist bc they’re white. I tell them to judge as the Bible tells us too- the the fruit someone or something bares. Don’t forgo your safety to appease the crowds. We’re all raised differently & fear different things but if you hang around drug addicts you’ll be labeled one, or prostitutes, etc. That’s human nature. God gave us all common sense, it’s up to us to use it. Work hard & over look those who look down on you. Don’t steal & respect the authorities. Be gentle, slow to speak & slow to wrath. Stay away from drugs bc it will alter your ability to do the right things. Do these things & you’ll be fine. Recently, my nephew who just graduated was upset by how the media & a lot of African Americans label whites as racist yet there are all black colleges, tv stations, magazines, clothing lines, music stations, organizations, etc. I never thought of that bf but it’s so true. Why are we becoming segregated again as a society? What people really need is God in their hearts & a willingness to work hard. Everything else will come. God bless.

  42. denise little December 1, 2014 at 8:24 pm - Reply

    Dear Crystal,
    Thank you for your honesty. I have been watching Ferguson, Missouri.
    I have had alot of emitions going thru me that I don’t know what to do with. After reading your post I am wondering what should I be teaching white children. I mean iif the reality for black boys is that their is a difference and then what should I be teaching white boys? If teaching them that black boys are their eqal but it seems they r not. What is it you want the white race to know or believe or think about the black race? I am a white woman. I am a christian. I believe in peace, unity, and love. I do not want to offend you only to understand. I feel as though their is a quiet storm brewing inside of me. I don’t want to be part of the problem but rather part of the solution. I feel as though the love inside of me for all people is somehow being questioned not because of your post but because of what is going on in our naation with respect to our race relations. I have been praying. I know the love in me comes from Christ. If anything would you help me understand?

  43. Troy December 1, 2014 at 8:28 pm - Reply

    I am a white, southern, country boy, father of 2 beautiful girls. I don’t think your teachings are good parenting for black males. I think your love and compassion is GREAT parenting of any race, any skin color, and any sex child. We, parents, owe it to our children to make the world a better place. We, parents, owe it to society to teach our children right from wrong. We, parents, owe it to ourselves to raise our children as God tells us too. I don’t pretend to understand your feelings. I have been blessed to give my girls a good life, in a nice southern town, with several priveleges. That doesn’t make us immune to world dangers. Evil is colorblind. They know how to defend themselves, and understand signs of trouble. They also know how to love and have compassion. Fortunately, they also know that there is plenty of good, and there are good people, in this world. Kindness and compassion, also, are colorblind.

  44. Don December 1, 2014 at 9:43 pm - Reply

    And your boys will never rob a store or point a gun, fake or otherwise, at a cop. Your boys have something those boys did not. I wish that every boy had what your boys have.

  45. Deborah Martin December 1, 2014 at 10:35 pm - Reply

    Hi… reached this post from a FB post… and I only skimmed it… I don’t think I could ever fully comprehend how life is as a Black person…even in our day. I don’t think you could every comprehend life as a poor person either. It seems to me that GOD leads us to His Plan for our lives in the circumstances we are born to, live through, and discover each day.

    I have admired the Evans ministries as the years went by because there needs to be a voice from the Black Community… and I was especially excited about the mentor program. I have discovered the prison systems because of my sons’ drug addictions and what they led to… One thing I will mention here is that one of my sons didn’t start to “hate” the black man until he encountered them in prison… probably the Midwest area prison/s… I am not sure. I think that is a HUGE need for the world… and especially the USA.

    I am not familiar with the Dunn story as I write this, but I remember the name. I am watching Ferguson unrest unfold, and remember the Watts riots of my childhood a little.

    I remember traveling through the South and encountering churches that were primarily Black. The one that stands out is the one next to Pat Robertson’s CBN property (at that time… don’t know what is up with it now)…there was a lot of animosity that seemed to focus on the race differences with a hint of money issues.

    I also remember randomly stopping at another church that turned out to be a Black congregation, and encountering a really nice man from another church that helped me with my vehicle problems. He wondered about the place I was from…I wondered if it was because of the differences between the west coast and the south.

    We are all the product of our experiences. If a person encounters something negative, do they blame it on their gender, their religion, their faith, their education, their poverty, their sexual orientation, their politics, their whatever… it isn’t always easy to know what cause and effect are. Is someone a jerk, or is it really a hate crime? The problems are going to get worse. I don’t know that there is a solution to these problems, they are a one-to-one set of issues.

    I hope you and your sons find only the best in life, that you will never suffer needlessly… that you will be prepared for the changes prophecies tell us are coming.

    I didn’t put my website up because this is a personal comment… and I don’t know if GOD is going to provide for it…but my life has been hard, and I find that most of it is finding its way into Working Together because these are the issues that will be a part of the End Times… the Mark of the Beast… and other prophecies. I don’t think the Christian Community is prepared for them, and the Great Falling Away is going to take many that we love. I am praying for my own three sons.

    If it is still available, my website is http://work2gather.us — try to think about some of the things that are listed there… they won’t be race issues, they will be survival issues for the Church, the Body of Christ.

    May God help us all.

  46. Katherine December 1, 2014 at 11:21 pm - Reply

    Very eye opening! I agree with you. People judge and since some people did crimes it seems like every African American has to pay for it. I am white but my son is mixed. He is dark skin and I deal with the racial marks everyday. My son is called terrible names by adults. Its sad. Do you think its the same for my son? I worry but I’m a fighter and I make sure everyone who is disgusting towards my child know how ignorant they are. It may not change them but at least my son will see I will defend him. People need to quit judging skin color. Start reading news. There are so many whites that are child sex offenders. Being racist is not something your born with its something your taught.

  47. Ashara Wilson December 2, 2014 at 6:13 am - Reply

    I am black mother of daughter & son. I have explained all of the things your blog discuses with both of them at very early ages maybe 7 & 6 and we continue to have these discussions now that they are in middle school 12 & 11. The sad thing about this is that me growing up up north as a girl my mother didn’t have to explain these things to me but goin through high school living in the south I dealt with a lot of these prejudices from my own (race) people & having and raising my children down here I’ve had to teach them about preconceived notions from the white side & the blacks which is a very very sad thing for me because even at young ages they were ostracized or asked questions of them by other black children like they were not black all because of the way I choose to raise them & now that I live in Mississippi the things that I have taught them are starting to be seen especially in the dealings with Caucasian ppl I & I absolutely hate it. I almost wish I could raise them in a bubble, but that would not be reality it’s a sad world we live in & I just wish I could find a happy medium, but I just can’t pick up & move every time we’re faced with adversity though I would like too I just want them to be able to enjoy their childhood like I did & be children & not be faced with all this bs. Everyday I just continue to pray for them & keep them encouraged.

  48. Jana December 2, 2014 at 11:18 am - Reply

    Thank you for your words. This will help me to continue to talk with my son about the realities of our world. I pray that I am able to teach my kids about those realities and with God’s protection and guidance they will lead a respectful, productive life.

  49. Angie December 2, 2014 at 12:08 pm - Reply

    i raised 5 white kids. 2 boys. we raised them to believe if a cop tells you to do something, you better do it. My husband was pulled over by cops with guns drawn because his car matched a suspects. You better believe he obeyed every word. Why do so many disrespect cops? I know there are bad ones, but can’t we trust the majority of them?
    And whatever happened to more non lethal weapons? Not just tasers but there are foams and nets, etc.

  50. Mary December 2, 2014 at 12:43 pm - Reply

    I totally agree. I tell my three young white sons the same thing. Does it really matter what color they are??? Hoping your answer is “no”. Sending this with love in my heart to ALL sons.

  51. Anita December 2, 2014 at 1:12 pm - Reply

    Thanks For SHARING!!!

  52. Blessed December 2, 2014 at 7:10 pm - Reply

    Hard choices–starting with forcing youngsters who see the beauty of the rainbow to define the beauty in black and white; and that what black means is that you are not white and what white means is that you are not black. Beauty is gone and division is necessary–and you must know this to value you.

    And upon that confusion we attempt to build something sensible–but things only spiral from there. And we feel disheartened — even when it seems we have carved out a corner of sanity and survivability.

    It breaks my heart, as white father of mixed race daughters, to watch them growing older in a black neighborhood; to have fear increased primarily by listening to a black community talk about the boys and men in this area. Your column helps me recognize there is so much I have tried to shield them from knowing; the threats from men; threats that exist because of their blackness; because of their whiteness; because of their gender; because of their mixedness. It is not that I do not want them to know–but because I think we owe children space to maintain some innocence; and the way we frame the threats feels too much like I am giving in to the craziness

    They did not see a black and white world in Minnesota–even though our mix of relationships was about half and half. But the minute we moved to Montgomery, AL they were thrust into a black and white world. When

  53. Sharon December 2, 2014 at 11:01 pm - Reply

    Chrystal, I have never treated anyone differently because of color of hair, eyes, or skin. To me this would be like treating them differently because they were tall or short. Besides that, these attributes are things that are outside the persons control so it makes no sense to treat a person different because of these. The way a person behaves to me is much more important than color. If people are nice to me, I’m nice to them. I’m nice to people and they can be nice or not. It’s really sad to me that people continue to hark back to earlier time. I don’t understand why we can’t all just be people. Why are we white people, black people or African American people, and Hispanic people, etc? We don’t say blue eyed people or straight haired people. If we are describing someone we would include adjectives that identify the person but we don’t speak of blue eyed people. When times like furguson come it causes so much scarring and division. I want to see the day come that Dr King dreamed. I was born in 1952 so I remember some of those times. My heart, arms and hands are open to include and accept. It’s MY dream that someday we will all look at someone and their skin color will just be the same as hair color or eye color. Just an attribute that makes them who they are. My prayer is that inclusion and acceptance unite all people. It’s my prayer that people remember Jesus said the 2 laws are to love The Lord our God with all ou heart, soul and mind. The second is to love thy neighbor as thyself. There are no adjectives befor neighbor so everyone falls in that group. Love and prayers

  54. CJ December 2, 2014 at 11:02 pm - Reply

    Thanks for your article. I have been struggling with what a godly response is to all of the recent news. I am a white, southern mother of daughters. Growing up, we always had people who were different from us in our home either visiting or staying with us while they were getting back on their feet. My parents had friends of different races and nationalities and never discouraged us from having diverse friend groups. They taught us to treat others as we would like to be treated and to respect everyone until they gave us a reason not to respect them. They taught us that there are good and bad people of all races, income levels, faiths, and occupations. They taught us to work hard for what we wanted, to look for the good in people, and to always make the best of a bad situation. They taught us to be cautious when choosing friends because of “guilt by association.” They taught us to obey law enforcement even if we were innocent. We were expected to behave in public whether with our family or friends. We were expected to obey and respect our teachers, follow the rules at school, and to accept that there are consequences for our actions. We were not allowed to just “hang out” around town and we had a curfew that was enforced. We were told that if we didn’t put ourselves in a situation where we would have to deal with police then we wouldn’t have to deal with police. We were taught that life is not fair. It never has been and never will be. These are the things I teach my daughters. But, we live in a fallen world so, I am also enrolling them in self-defense classes.

    Last school year, there was a girl “gang” fight at my daughter’s middle school. School resource officers said it was planned. Teachers and students were injured trying to break up the fight. At least one teacher had to be treated for injuries. Thirteen girls were suspended. Eight were allowed to return this school year, five others were permanently expelled. They can attend free public school online or go to private school, but they can not attend public school in person in our county. Once the decision was upheld after appeals, people began protesting outside my daughter’s school. The girls were black, and the protesters were holding signs saying that the principal and school were racist among other things. After two and a half months of this, another mother I know stopped to talk to the protesters. She asked them if any of the expelled girls were their children/grandchildren or if they had any relatives at the school. None of them did. She asked them if they mentored at the school or volunteered in any way. None of them did. She asked if they had ever met the principal they were calling racist; if they had ever sat down and talked with him. None of them had. Interesting. This particular mother is at the middle and elementary schools volunteering and mentoring every day with her baby in tow. I can’t say the same for myself…

  55. Michelle December 3, 2014 at 10:39 am - Reply

    I will give you my honest opinion. As a white mother of 7 children, some Hispanic. I’m glad that Dunn was sentenced to prison for a long time. Justice was served as best as our earthly system allows (well actually, I think he deserved the death penalty).
    I love what you had to say in a lot of ways because you are loving your sons by teaching them based on what you see but honestly? I don’t see most of that.

    My brother (white) was jumped by a group of black teens because he gotten in an argument with one of their sister’s. His collar bone was broken in this beating. The school have a couple of the kids (out of 12 kids) 3 days of in-school suspension… And they gave my brother the same punishment for trying to fight back.

    One day my 8 year old and 5 year old was playing outside and I looked outside to see a black woman cussing at them and calling them racial slurs, “White a** crackers”. When I inquired as to what was wrong, she was angry that she felt threatened by some stay dogs on the road and she thought they were our. They were not.

    My oldest son attends University of West Georgia. Last semester he was struggling in a class when he and his roommates compared homework grades. He missed less than them and yet, they were give a higher grade. They were black. The professor was black. Even his room mates acknowledged the problem.

    Yet, my kids most of their life had no idea that their were racial differences. They never heard the words ” black “, ” white “, etc. We just didn’t see a reason to refer to people’s skin color. The problem those people had was sin, not skin.

    What you just wrote about teaching your sons are lessons I could easily embrace as lessons my children need. That’s my reality. More honesty? My fear is that if I do, they will begin to judge people based on their skin color. Yet more honesty? I fear that your sons may learn the same if it’s not coupled with teaching them that most people will not yet them unfairly simply because of the color of their skin. I know there are racist white people. But out of the vast majority of white people I know very, very few are racist. I believe it’s the same way with black or Hispanic people. I will not judge other races by the bad apples that have done wrong to us. I sure hope others will do the same for us.

    I feel like this post is poorly worded. It’s hard to type on a tablet. I hope you see my heart. I certainly see yours – a beautiful mother who loves her precious sons!

    • Chrystal December 3, 2014 at 11:09 am - Reply

      I totally see your heart. Thanks so much for sharing.

  56. Matilda Harris December 3, 2014 at 2:34 pm - Reply

    Well said.

  57. Maggi Wulff December 3, 2014 at 10:48 pm - Reply

    Most every thought has been covered, and I didn’t even read them all. As a mother, as a retired teacher, as a daughter of the King, there are two thoughts I feel strongly about; maybe someone else already did say the same thing.

    When you talk to your children about there will be injustices and bias and all the other true details, please also tell them that most whites do not feel that way, that they should just be aware some do. That’s what I taught my blonde haired kids about dark skinned people. They grew up with no prejudices and had black friends. If I had told them about the blacks that beat up my godmother in the Detroit riots, or the black man who thought my grown son had hit him with a Frisbee so gave him a concussion, that the ghettos were filled with druggies and to watch out and be aware I don’t think my kids would have grown up with a positive attitude towards others.

    I lived in an all white neighborhood in the south for 40 years. When we moved their it was horrible, the hatred for blacks. I taught in a racially balanced school that was delightful and I deliberately did not bring up race nor color. For those 12 years my students worked and played in total harmony and that was 5th grade.

    In 1988, a black family moved into the house next to me in an all white neighborhood and I so hoped the traditional southern”unhospitality” would not rear up It didn’t! Everybody accepted them, and it wasn’t long until Tracey and I became best friends and we did many things as families. I have not seen them for 12 years but when we all found each others’ families on Facebook a few months ago it was like Christmas.

    So my first point is, whatever you can say about blacks you can say about whites so we need to be careful that reverse discrimination doesn’t take place. Especially among children.The second thing is, whatever we teach about our children should be inclusive. All children should respect the law and hold their hands open. All children should be Kingdom kids and realize not everybody will like them or treat them kindly. In honesty, some of the things you mentioned I think feeds negative feelings (you asked for comments!)

    On a lighter/deeper note; on Facebook this morning when I posted the latest ratings for Republican presidential candidates first place was my choice, Ben Carson, I added a note to my friends that my real first choice had not been on the list. Tony Evans. And that was before I opened this email! Ben is my second choice.

  58. Maggi Wulff December 3, 2014 at 10:51 pm - Reply

    Wish I could go back and edit the errors ( i.e. their for there); this site has everything in very pale gray color and proofreading is very difficult.

  59. Jennifer Kindle December 6, 2014 at 8:57 pm - Reply

    Loved this. Love you. As a mom of 3 white boys (& a girl) that didn’t realize their cousins were black 😉 I will do my part to raise them to love all people with the love of Christ. I will teach them to honor and respect and consider others better than themselves, regardless of skin tone. I will do my best to teach them to see through the eyes of unconditional love and to never think more highly of themselves than they ought and to never judge ones character based on color. You are a treasure sweet friend.

  60. […] injustices as Mike Brown and Eric Garner. It could have been any man; any black man specifically.  Chrystal Evans Hurst wrote a timely post.  It was published February of this year but is eerily relevant in light of […]

  61. April resnick January 19, 2015 at 3:36 pm - Reply

    i love my boys with all my heart & soul & will continue to love them the rest of my life I tried to teach my boys about the things u mentioned so I can certainly identify with u there r people out there that think they’re the only ones that love their boys like that but I no I’ll love my boys til the day I die always & forever! May God soften the hearts of women who don’t understand

  62. Carolyn R March 27, 2015 at 8:32 am - Reply

    Hello Chrystal,
    I love your blog. So honest, so biblically sound, and you challenge me to do those things the Father calls all of us to do. I love that you are so real with us. Thank you. Just read this post from a “popular listing” you shared today. I’m one of those sisters of a “lighter hue”. Thanks for asking for my thoughts. As a mom, I’m teaching my 3 kids (one of them a boy) the same things you mentioned. But, knowing pragmatically that there is a difference in the challenges each race faces in our society, I was reading for at least one thing I wouldn’t necessarily think to teach my boy. I came across it at “Always let them see your hands.” Although this is true for any white male stopped by an officer or in a “situation”, it would be naive to think the same level of caution would be present with all males despite their color. I respect you greatly for teaching your boys not to let this stop them from being all they can be, to not be victims, and to “deal with it” because they’ll be more successful if they face it head-on. I have to teach my boy that because he’s white, he will have to deal with the bigot stereotype and fight the popular trend that he should feel guilty if he achieves something through hard work. All this to say…Please let them know they are not alone in their struggles with racial stereotypes. Although their struggles might be unique to their race, because we live in a broken world, other races and genders have unique struggles of their own. I’m glad all our boys can be great because God has a good and perfect plan for each of them.

    • Linda December 1, 2017 at 12:05 pm - Reply

      Thank you for saying this so beautifully. As a mom of 2 wonderful young men, I share concerns for them, as well as all young people, in this volatile culture. Our family has made it a priority to see other people, not their color, accent, etc. I pray the Spirit of the Lord may guide us into all wisdom and help us see each other as Jesus sees us.

  63. misty June 18, 2015 at 3:12 pm - Reply

    I loved your honest post. I am a white mother of boys and because I adore my children, I desperately teach my children that each of us are uniquely and wonderfully made; that God cannot make a mistake. Therefore, to never judge a person by their looks, color or challenges, but to always look at the heart to understand a person’s character. Having grown up in the south, I had many friends that didn’t have the same skin color as me and I loved them dearly because they were my friends. Skin color was irrelevant to me. I teach my children to examine a persons heart only. Otherwise, they could potentially miss out on a precious gift in the form of a friendship.

  64. […] Read This Post: What If I Really Loved My Boys   […]

  65. Shannon July 31, 2016 at 5:23 am - Reply

    WOW, this speaks volumes on so many levels. I am a mother of a 5 year old son. This just brings tears to my eyes. The world we live in today. I live my son and we teach our children to love everyone the way Christ loves us. Unfortunately all children are not taught that even children that are raised in “christian” homes. Will they ever get pass the color of our skin?
    We are not horrible people. Jesus died for all of us.

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