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How are your people skills? For some, relating to others seems to come naturally. You may look forward to engaging with your family and friends and feel charged up after being with them. But does that mean you’re handling your relationships well?

According to my friend and counselor Debra Fileta, not necessarily. Her latest book, People Skills: Your Relationships Are Only as Strong as Your Skills, invites us to take a closer look at the impact we have on others, despite our best intentions. 

This episode felt like my own personal therapy session as Debra asked the important questions like:

  • Do you welcome feedback from the people you trust?
  • Do you find yourself feeling misunderstood often?
  • Do you notice patterns of tension in your closest relationships?

 

As the body of Christ, it’s so important that we take a step back and consider how we come across to others. Not only should we care about our words, but we should also care about the nonverbal signals that might convey disinterest to someone else.

That’s not to say that we’re called to have the same level of availability for everyone in our lives. In fact, Debra suggests that we fare better when we place our relationships in the proper level of closeness and move accordingly. When we move with the understanding that some relationships are worth more of an investment than others, we don’t spend time and energy entertaining the wrong ones. Better yet, we’ll be able to put our best foot forward where it matters most. 

While some relationships rise to level one access in our lives, others may fall to levels two, three, or even lower. But those level one relationships require reciprocity in good times that will yield the closeness we all need in our hardest seasons.

Showing up with intention looks like:

  • A quick text to see how a friend is doing during a busy season
  • A coffee date scheduled weeks in advance on the calendar
  • A “congratulations” card after a friend purchases a home or starts a new job
  • A quick visit when life has gotten too heavy to bear alone

Our conversation left me thinking about the internal work necessary to really show up in my relationships. What I also took away from my time with Debra was the idea that each of us has the opportunity to grow in our people skills, regardless of our personalities or temperaments. 

Whether you choose to do the work alone or with a counselor, your ability to look deep within yourself and commit to healing past wounds will inevitably shift how you approach others.

If you find yourself longing for more meaningful relationships, know that you’re not alone and that the connection you long for is out there waiting for you. I hope that the guidance shared in my chat with Debra helps you to invest in the relationships that you hold dear, and that you are met with that same intention in return.

 

Highlights from Today’s Episode

  • Receiving the right feedback
  • Tracking patterns of tension
  • Easing into vulnerability

Related Resources

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Other Stuff to Check Out

Let’s Talk!

  1. Who can you invite to provide healthy feedback on your communication style?
  2. Which of your relationships deserve your intentionality and reciprocity?
  3. How can you practically invest in your core relationships?

 

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How to Listen to The Podcast

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