On Saturday, July 4th, we paused to remember that freedom is something worth protecting and celebrating. Today, I’m celebrating another birthday, and birthdays have a way of making me think about a different kind of freedom.

The freedom that comes from growing older.
The freedom that comes from experiencing a few things.
The freedom that comes from letting go of what doesn’t matter and holding tightly to what does.

Every birthday makes me pause a little longer than the last one. As you may or may not know, the past year has been hard. Over the last couple of months especially, my life has been full of the kind of things that immediately reorder your priorities and make calendars, plans, and carefully organized to-do lists suddenly feel a lot less important.

Real emergencies have a way of exposing what was actually urgent and what only felt urgent. And when you get a second to take a step back, they also reveal just how much God has grown you over the years.

The Bible tells us that God comforts us so we can comfort others. So even though my birthday is coming up, I thought I’d give you a gift.

If I could sit down with every younger version of myself over coffee, here’s what I’d say.

To my 20-year-old self…

Stop rushing.

You don’t have to accomplish everything by a certain age just to prove yourself capable. Comparison will convince you that you’re behind when God is simply setting a different pace for your life.

Set goals. Dream big. Make plans, but hold them with open hands because God has a way of ordering and reordering your steps differently than you imagined. When He recalculates the route, don’t freak out. Sometimes unplanned occurrences are just detours and not dead ends.

Keep trying new things. Stay curious. Remain teachable. Don’t become so settled in what you’ve always known that you miss what God is inviting you into next.

To my 30-year-old self…

Learn your limits before life teaches them to you.

Boundaries are not a bad thing. Implement them. Boundaries with your time. Your energy. Your emotions. Your capacity. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you’re supposed to.

Some of the greatest gifts you’ll ever give yourself are the things you decide not to carry.

Prune what isn’t yours so you have room for what is.

Remember, discipline isn’t punishment. Keep showing up for the life God is shaping in you, even when you can’t control the timing.

To my 40-year-old self…

Don’t spend so much time wondering if you’re behind that you miss what God is building. Life probably won’t look the way you planned, and that’s okay.

Some of the delays that frustrate you today are actually preparing you for an authority you couldn’t have had any other way. There are lessons you can only learn along the way.

Keep trusting the process. Keep bringing the whole picture to God. Your dreams. Your disappointments. Your finances. Your relationships. Your plans. Don’t hand Him one piece of your life while trying to manage the rest on your own. He cares about all of it.

What I’m reminding myself in my 50’s…

Wisdom isn’t about having all the answers.

It’s knowing what’s worth my energy. It’s naming what’s good even while life is still hard. It’s understanding that becoming never really ends. God is still shaping me, stretching me, and teaching me.

I’m also reminding myself that what I’ve lived through isn’t wasted. The hard seasons strengthened my faith. The interruptions expanded my capacity. The disappointments deepened my compassion.

Most importantly, the things I never would have chosen for my life have given me the authority to encourage you.

So here’s what I hope you remember today, whether you’re just getting started or you’ve lived long enough to have a few stories to tell:

You are not behind.
You are not forgotten.

You are not too late.

Just keep showing up. Keep listening. Keep trusting. Keep becoming.

God is still writing your story.

So…happy birthday to me…and here’s to whatever beautiful thing God is still writing in both of our lives.

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Reflection Questions: 

  1. If your future self could sit down with you over coffee today, what do you think she’d encourage you to stop worrying about and start trusting God with?
  2. Looking back, how have the difficult seasons of your life shaped you in the woman you are today, and how might God use those experiences to encourage someone else?

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Chrystal is the Founder and CEO of The Sister Circle, an organization that exists to provide practical encouragement and equip women of faith to live with intention and purpose. Chrystal is also a best-selling author and speaker who reaches a wide audience, speaking at conferences, hosting her podcast, and leading the women’s ministry at her home church.