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How often are you truly quiet?

We live in a noisy world, don’t we?

Whether it be in our relationships or on our jobs, we are inundated with the need to fill space. We feel obligated to constantly speak or otherwise contribute to the conversation. We often feel pressed to have all of the answers and every best possible solution. 

In the midst of the cultural push toward productivity, we’re conditioned to think silence is unproductive. But when we are pushed to fill the stillness or close the gaps, we will also occupy space where others can grow and contribute. Where does our communication leave everyone else? In our expediency to move conversations forward, what if we stunt the unanticipated genius of others? 

What if…

 We. Need. To. Be. Quiet. 

Communication is a two-way street.

As we continue to break down and grow our relationships, we must examine both sides of communication.

Listening.

Silence.

Questions.

We unlock so much for ourselves and others when we allow for space and stimulate pause with questions. When we leave space for silence, we allow others to take responsibility, allowing for growth in their self-confidence and in you.

You can build their trust with your silence.

When giving your partner, your children, your friends, and your coworkers room to contribute, you’ll find that you don’t need to expend as much energy filling a void. Better yet, when we honor their contributions and give them something to consider with our questions, we find that others will hold our words rather than just hear them.

Nobody is saying it’s easy.

Silence is uncomfortable.

It’s awkward.

It takes time to master it.

However, when we use silence to our advantage and for the advantage of others around us, we are able to see that the words we do speak are so much more meaningful. So what do we do? We wield the tool of questions WITH the power of silence.

When you ask questions, be intentional. Your questions should be encouraging in their orientation and enjoyable, freeing, or hope-filled to answer. Give people things to consider and be comfortable when people have differing preferences. There is value in our varied perspectives! Questions can help to establish expectations as well as be a guide for others to expound upon their thoughts and words. The more you ask questions, you’ll find your questions have value – especially when they reveal otherwise undetected pitfalls and hazards. 

When you ask questions, couple them with silence as you wait on responses! Don’t let silence be punitive, but rather let it be filled with hope for people to grow. Just like you need time to process, they need it too! Whether we realize it or not, holding space for others is a gift. Let the space be what it is. 

Knowing when to ask, answer, and stay quiet are underutilized skills, but once we are able to practice the balance of it all, we uncover hidden gems in our relationships. I want to talk more deeply about these skills so in this episode, you will learn how to 

  • Use the skill of silence and space
  • Let others speak first
  • Couple quiet with questions.

The bottom line?

When you show up, you don’t have to be the first person to talk. Let silence–let questions–take you where your words cannot!

 

Highlights from Today’s Episode

  • Use the skill of silence and space
  • Let others speak first
  • Couple quiet with questions.

Resources from today’s show

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Other Stuff to Check Out

Let’s Talk!

  1. Take the next three days to recognize your communication habits. Do you leave space for others to communicate? How?
  2. Analyze what happens next time you’re in awkward silence. How did you feel? What came out of it?
  3. What does “quiet confidence” look like to you in your relationships and at work?

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