At this bottom of this post I have two free downloads for you! They are each included at the end of this post (which got a little lengthy). I do hope you take the time to READ the post as it explains why I have something to share with you,
…but if you don’t have time to wind through my wordiness, be free!
Just scroll down to the end and download the printable 🙂
- Photo credit: http://researchvoodoo.com/
It’s a reality.
I always have. I’ve talked about why I write before.
But here lately, I’ve found it hard to write. Not only because it’s been a difficult season but also because people are watching. And I’m very conscious of that.
It’s hard to write without edits.
Before when I blogged, I wrote about anything without reserve and scantly edited. There weren’t many eyes watching me and so it didn’t matter as much what I said or how I said it. At least, that’s how I felt. And what if they did care? What if they did judge? It was my life and I was expressing my thoughts in my voice so what did it matter.
But here lately, I’ve found it hard to write. In case you haven’t gotten to know me yet, I’m a recovering perfectionist and if it’s not going to be absolutely an A+, it’s hard for me to do it all. Jacked up trait… but I have it.
But I’m a writer. And not writing would be to deny who I am and what I’m supposed to be doing.
Here’s another reality.
I am a girl. I’m a wife. I’m a mom.
I’ve always been a girl. I’ve been a wife for a while now. And I’ve been a mother as long as I’ve been a grown woman.
And people are watching and I’m very conscious of that.
It’s hard to share a life without edits.
Before when I blogged about my life. There was no platform. No Kingdom Woman. No assumptions from tons of people that I didn’t know whether I was doing things right or all wrong. It didn’t matter as much what I said or how I said it. So I didn’t think as hard about how I expressed my thoughts or what voice I used to make a point.
But here’s the thing. I love my life.
Even though it’s got lots of turns and twists and parts that I might be tempted to edit out, it’s my life. And it’s the only life that is exclusively my story to tell. While I believe in using wisdom and discretion where appropriate, I also believe that much of it I should live unedited and be willing to share if it helps others.
So here goes.
Remember… I am a girl. I’m a wife. I’m a mom.
Recently we took a family photo. We needed one. It was way overdue.
Like it? Hope so. But there is something I didn’t edit out.
Take a look at the water mark at the bottom right hand of the photo. Now bring your eyes up a bit. See son #1’s jeans? Big hole. Gaping hole. And I didn’t have my photographer edit it out (I’m sure photoshop could have accomplished that). Why? Cuz that’s the way it was on picture day.
I didn’t know that my son’s jeans had a hole in them until after I took the picture. I just needed to get the picture taken. I furiously got everyone dressed, including myself which was no small feat and as I am fashion challenged in the greatest way. We literally ran in front of the camera because the photographer made time to squeeze us in before sun went down and it got dark outside.
Lo and behold… a hole.
But guess what. It was there and it doesn’t’ change the fact that I have a beautiful picture of my family.
I love Jesus. I love my life. I love my family. I love my husband. And everyday I’m learning to love myself a little bit more.
But all that love doesn’t mean that sometimes when I paint pictures with my words that there won’t be a hole.
Sometimes I don’t know when I am writing that there’s a hole. Sometimes when I write, I write because I just need to “take the picture” – process the emotion, share the joy, crack a joke, or learn a lesson. I furiously scramble to get my words out of my head because I don’t want to miss the window of opportunity to access my thoughts. I furiously reach and press “publish” because I don’t want to miss a window of opportunity to share them.
I don’t want to forget the emotion, joy, joke, or lesson before the sun goes down and my day ends. I don’t want my unedited thoughts to get overshadowed by other thoughts, tasks, or even talking children that need me to drop everything to help them with their own raw moment.
And sometimes, after the fact, I see a hole.
Trust me… there are parts of my life that I wish I could edit out.
…The parts where I knew I should speak to my husband in a respectful tone and I didn’t… and in that moment didn’t care.
…The parts where I yelled at my kids
…The parts where I stayed in a relationship way past time to give it up.
…The parts when I heard God’s voice and disobeyed.
…The parts when I should have tried harder… kept going… but didn’t.
But if I spend too much time looking back at the holes, I run the danger of wallowing in an unhealthy view of myself and my life as I start to see myself embodied in what I wish I could go back an re-write.
I miss the big picture.
And guess what. The hole on paper, on my blog, in my heart, or in my life doesn’t change the fact that my life is a beautiful picture.
And it doesn’t change the fact the I am loved. Loved by myself. Loved by my family. Loved by my husband. And most of all. Loved by God.
Whether or not we’ve gotten it all right. He loves us. He loves us anyway. He loves us because we belong to Him. His love is unconditional and not based on whether or not we’ve done it all right.