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Why are adult friendships so complicated? If you’ve ever wondered why making and maintaining friends is difficult the older you get, trust me, you’re not alone. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, loneliness is an epidemic in this country. 

How is it possible that we are more connected than we’ve ever been but lonelier than ever before? 

My friend, I don’t want this for you. I want you to move beyond surface-level relationships and into meaningful friendships. 

In my own life, my friendships have shifted in different seasons. We may have been on two different trajectories or unable to truly show up for one another. What I know for sure is that it was worth the fight. On the other side of hard conversations is support, love, and true connection.

I want to see you thrive in your life, so I’m sharing my six principles for cultivating friendships.

Choose your friends wisely

As you set out to make friends, connect with women who are willing to put in some relational equity. You should build one another up and grow together. Your friend group can be you and one other person, or you and several other people. Either way, your circle should be built on a mutual commitment to support one another. 

Lead by example

Be the friend you need. If you’re missing connection in your life, be the person to reach out to someone else. You might have to be the initiator of the relationship, and that’s okay. The key is to show up for others in the way you would want them to show up for you.

Define the relationship

As the friendship grows, it will be necessary to define what the friendship is. Express what you need from the relationship, not to scare the other person away, but for the sake of clarity. Set the pace for how the friendship should exist. You won’t be able to give all of yourself to each relationship. It’s important to know the place that each relationship holds in your life.

Practice repentance and forgiveness

In order to maintain your friendship, you need to learn the constant act of apologizing and extending forgiveness. When your friend offends you, be honest about the pain you’re feeling. Just the same, be willing to hear your friend out when they need to shine a light on something you’ve done.

Communicate your thoughts and feelings

Real friendships are not only worth the fight but also worth the vulnerability. There will be moments in your friendship when it’s important to clear the air. Your friend will not be able to figure out your feelings all the time. When you sit down and have difficult conversations, you give the other person a chance to hear your heart.

Deal with conflict

Instead of avoiding conflict, allow it to bring you both closer. Even tense moments can help you to establish necessary boundaries and gain new understanding. When you try to ignore conflict, it will cause resentment and distance to grow between you.

Proverbs 27:17 puts it this way, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

When you’ve done all you can, you may reach a point of no return. Prayer and time can reveal when it’s time to move on from a friendship. But if no offense has been made, don’t be afraid to leave the door open for the friendship to come back around down the road. 

Jesus modeled friendship. Even though He knew His disciples would eventually betray Him, He still allowed them to walk closely with Him. Let Him teach you, based on the kind of friend He is, how to be a friend to others.

You were made for connection. When you take the time to cultivate your circle of friends, you will surely reap the benefits. But you have to be intentional and prayerful in the process.

Highlights from Today’s Episode

  • Making friends
  • Maintaining friendships
  • Moving on from friendships

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Let’s Talk!

  1. What do you have to offer someone with your friendship?
  2. In what ways can you be intentional about connecting with other women?
  3. How do you determine when it’s time to move on from a relationship?

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