Podcast: Play in new window
When was the last time you addressed the elephant in the room? The topic that no one wants to talk about and even warms your cheeks with sheer embarrassment to discuss in the confines of your spiritual community. One conversation that is sure to make many people uncomfortable and is likely to disturb the peace is S-E-X. What would happen if you were allowed to “go there” — unapologetically and without concern for what may follow?
The hot topics surrounding our bodies, desires, and sexuality can be difficult when developing convictions rooted in biblical truths, but Kat Harris is all too familiar with the complexities of such topics and details them in her book, Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex.
In our conversation, Kat Harris acknowledges that truly taking ownership of your decisions and feeling good about them means means investigating God’s heart surrounding sex and dating. What does God have to say about the matter? How has the church miscommunicated God’s truth? What responsibility do both men and women have with regards to modesty? What challenges do both the church and culture present in understanding and living in freedom?
There is both a need and longing for a safe and inviting space for wisdom-filled answers and open/honest conversations. Because of purity culture and also the often silent position on the topic of sex by the Church, we need the ability to chat about these things. Because of purity culture and also the often silent position on the topic of sex by the Church, we need the ability to chat about these things without judgment,, to address the questions that many wrestle with and to honor the real wrestle with, and to honor the real desires along with the weight of shame many are afraid to talk about.
If you find yourself struggling when it comes to your personal convictions and knowing what God says and intended through the creation of sex, know that your are not alone. He sees and is present with you. He wants to engage in the conversation with you as you unpack the truth of desire in His Word. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married, this transparent conversation is one that you won’t want to miss!
Highlights from Today’s Episode:
- Discover God’s truth about sex and sexuality
- Understand the roles of shame, guilt, and fear
- Find freedom in dating and desire
Resources from today’s show
- Connect with Kat Harris on her website, Instagram, Pinterest.
- Grab a copy of Kat Harris’ book Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex
- Interested in learning more? Check out The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, She Comes First by Ian Kerner, and Slow Sex by Diana Richardson.
- Navigating grief? Consider reading C.S. Lewis’ book A Grief Observed.
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- “I think what Jesus’ life teaches us is less about what it means to be God, and more about what it means to be human.” – Kat Harris
- “We deconstruct so that we can rebuild.”- Kat Harris
- “Deconstruction is being willing to ask the question that might blow the whole thing up and trust that if God is who He says He is… He will show up for you in that place.”- Kat Harris
- “If you’re finding yourself judging other people, ask yourself if you are living in shame in your own story.” – Kat Harris
- “If you’re finding yourself judging other people, you’re living in shame in your own story.” – Kat Harris
- “You are not a victim to your relationship status.” – Kat Harris
- ”The invitation of Jesus is to lean into possibility.”- Kat Harris
- “Don’t take your pastor’s word for it; You go to the scriptures.” – Kat Harris
Other Stuff to Check Out
- Want to check out another other conversation related to this topic? Consider listening to #155 – “Real Talk About Relationships – Living Single” and
- Need to encourage your soul? Try listening to the playlist I put together for my mom, Lady Lois’ Worship
- Interested in supporting the content I create and enjoying bonus content? Learn about joining my Inner Circle!
- Be sure to also check out my books She’s Still There, Show Up For Your Life, The 28-Day Prayer Journey, and Kingdom Woman!
Let’s Talk!
- How have you struggled to understand and live out God’s intention for sex and sexuality?
- What current challenges do you face in maintaining integrity while acknowledging and embracing your God-given desires? What in this conversation may be of help to you?
- Is there anything from this conversation that you desire to go deeper in?
Connect with me…
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How to Listen to The Podcast
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You have been so great to join me on the journey here on the blog, I hope you jump right in and do the same on the podcast!
Absolutely loved hearing your podcast with Kat Harris! Thanks for hosting her on such a spicy topic. I’ve been married awhile but find myself in a discipler role for a few younger ladies so I listened for them and still learned a few things for myself 🙂
Overall the conversation was great! There was one point that I thought could be clarified a bit better and that was on the issue of women who may not be experiencing sexual pleasure. I think sending a woman off to the doctor as if she’s broken in those cases just increases shame and counts out the fact that she also has a partner responsible for doing everything he can to assist her reaching orgasm. Lack of orgasm in marriage for women can often have a lot to do with an entitlement-for-men mentality (in one or both partners) that leads to them not taking the time to even figure out her body, what turns her on, or how to make it work for her. The doctor isn’t going to be able to help her in that regard nearly as much as her spouse and it doesn’t make her broken or needing professional intervention. What she often needs is for her spouse to place a high priority on her instead of assuming her body should function just like his and if it doesn’t there must be something wrong with HER.
I, like you Chrystal, don’t have this problem, but I think it’s really important to be aware of how it sounds (and how it may not even make sense) when we put all the responsibility for pleasure on the pleasuree rather than the pleasurer.
Such a great perspective! Thanks for listening and thanks for bringing those thoughts to light! You are right. Women aren’t broken… and the discovery process that leads to her full pleasure can take many paths that are medical but also that directly relate to her man prioritizing her enjoyment of intimacy.
Girl,
All of your conversations are great, but this one right here…
I really enjoyed this one too 🙂
Chrystal,
This was so good!! Thank you!! ? I haven’t been on a date in eight years!! Mostly because I was working on myself, and falling back in love with Jesus. I get asked out, but I decline quite often. I think because of fear that I’m going to choose wrong because when I’m in a relationship I love hard. Also, because I’m up in age, and I’m too old to be choosing wrong! ???♀️ Not to mention the fear of not even knowing how to date because I’ve been out of the game so long!! ???♀️?? Pray for me! ?????
Hello.
Loved this podcast. I appreciate your podcast. That was a mouthful that left me inspired to do my research about my convictions, on what they are built.
One question I do have is about living a life off celebicy intentionally. There are so many resources and attention about living single and activly dating in a way that honors God. But very few about being possibly called to celebicy what that may look like beyond abstaning from sexaul romantic relationships and marriage.
The process of figuring out that or even choosing to be celebate. Where this a calling and not just because of past hurts or even out of fear. Paul talks about there is a specail grace/gift for that. How do I find purpuse in that. So thats its not invain. To be intentional that this life of celebicy is for a reason what ever that may look like.
Its a mouth full this has been on my mind a lot lately.
Chrystal!
Girl, this podcast is about to be on repeat. It was definitely one I felt like I needed to listen to. I am not sure how much have given any feedback on the topic of masturbation but a part II needs to happen. Also would like to hear a little more on the subject of those who were abused, molested or raped and how to understand you journey to deconstructing all of that to then rebuild. Thank you for being bold and speaking up on subjects such as these. Side note: I love that this was a serious subject but the whole thing also just put a smile on my face and made me laugh. I felt like I was there with you guys have coffee and chatting.
This was AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME and she so stepped on my toes specifically about the online dating thing. This is definitely going to be one of my favorite podcasts. Thank you for this honest and real conversation. As a 48 year old single female who has struggled with being a sexual person all my life this was very much needed. Thank you.
Thank you for having this conversation. It was so helpful to me! It was just so real and raw, one that provokes thought and opens eyes. As someone who grew up with the church I identify with a lot of this so much! When I got married, I spent the first 10 years of my marriage feeling guilty about sex (even when I enjoyed it) because when you are taught to think of it one way your whole life, that thinking doesn’t just go away now that it is “permissible”. It wasn’t that I was taught that it was wrong but somehow the things I were taught, the way I internalized them, and what my identity was rooted in showed up in this way. Then it went from that to just making sure I “met” my husbands needs no matter how I felt. Not that it wasn’t enjoyable physically but I was internally conflicted and that had impacts. It’s been a long lonely road to navigate because not many Christian women are having this conversation (so openly), so it was a blessing to me and I am very thankful for the resources as well. Now I know I’m not alone and there’s nothing wrong with me!
Such an amazing episode!! ??
THIS!!!!!! needs a series; please and thank you.
Grateful for two believers who are transparent, vunerable, love God and love people.
So, so, poignant and beneficial to several generations.
This was an amazing, honest & much needed conversation!! Thank you Chrystal & Kat ?