Podcast: Play in new window

Subscribe: Spotify | RSS

How do you navigate the holidays when grief is a close companion? If you’ve experienced a significant loss, then you know what it’s like for the holiday season to feel more like a sorrowful time of year than a wonderful one. 

 My mother passed away in December 2019. This last month of the year marks her birthday (December 1st) and her passing (December 30th). But December is also supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year,” right? 

Let’s just say December is a month of big feelings for me.

In walking through my own loss over the last few years, I realized that I didn’t have to choose what to feel. The truth is, two things can be true: I can make space to acknowledge the pain of loss while also leaving room for the possibility of joy.

Now, I know that sounds like a nice lofty idea, but as someone who has lived through it (and is still living through it), I know that there can be a gift in the grief you feel. Through my journey of mourning the loss of my mother, I have gained a level of compassion and empathy that I would not have known otherwise.

 

My mother’s absence is abundantly felt during the holidays. It was her absolute favorite time of year. Every year, she would kick off the holiday month with her birthday, and she would celebrate all month long. When I reflect on my memories of her throughout each holiday season of my life, I am overcome with joy because she was joy embodied during this time of year. The sadness I feel about not having her here is coupled with the delight of her memory.

I miss the years spent watching her transform into Mrs. Claus. I miss the melodies in the Christmas music she played to set an atmosphere of joy in our home. I miss her hospitality and intentionality in making everyone feel loved.

But most of all, I miss her.

If you’ve ever lost someone you held dear to your heart, I’m sure you know what it’s like to have both joy and pain live in the same space. 

Sometimes, the loss we experience is not about a person. Maybe it’s not someone, but something that is causing you to grieve a life you long for. Maybe you’re grieving the loss of a job, financial stability, relationships, or unmet expectations. I want you to know that you have a right to grieve those things, too. No matter the source of grief you feel, when the waves of grief rush in, you have to do all you can to take care of yourself so that you aren’t swept away by them.

Allow the grief to rise up to the surface of your heart. It’s okay if you’re not okay. You can say no to the holiday events that feel more depleting than lifegiving. You can invite supportive people into your life for honest conversations. You can also reach out for support through therapists, counselors, and communities that are in place to help you process your pain.

Don’t reject the joy. Through the tears and heartache, don’t be surprised when you catch yourself laughing at something that once caused you to break down. Joy and pain flow through the same faucet. You are not a traitor for allowing yourself to smile in the absence of someone you love.

Embrace new opportunities. Each year you grieve will look different. While the grief will remain, it will change form. Grief has a way of becoming less acute and more chronic as it settles into its position of being a constant companion. Over time, your companion will give you opportunities to create new memories and traditions, even when the holidays look different than they once did. Embrace them. Allow yourself to know grief as a part of your life’s journey while also connecting with the opportunities to experience life in new ways.

So this is me telling you to let the tears flow this holiday season. Honor those who have gone on and hold on to the hope of new possibilities. Be honest about what you lost and leave room for what can fill the empty spaces. 

When out of the darkness comes a reason to smile, allow joy to be a part of your story, too.

There is a gift embedded in grief. You have the opportunity to learn what it means to live the full spectrum of pain, joy, love, and loss. I know this isn’t the way you would choose to expand the territory of your soul, but this is a gift nonetheless.

You learn through grief and joy the precious value of the people and experiences you have today. You learn through love and loss what it means to choose to truly live and spend your time on the things that matter.

Embrace the gift, my friend.

If you’re coping with a loss this holiday season, I see you.

But I know through my own experience that you can smile again. 

Just hold on.

 

Highlights from Today’s Episode

  • How to deal with grief
  • Honoring the forms of grief and loss
  • Taking care of yourself as you cope

Related Resources

Check out this special podcast I did with my mom a few years back, Podcast #198 – Thriving During the Holidays

Listen to my collection of podcast episodes on grief and loss:

Click to Post

 

Other Stuff to Check Out

Let’s Talk!

  1. What are your favorite holiday memories from years past?
  2. Are there any holiday traditions that you plan to continue? What new traditions can you start?
  3. What has your experience with grief and loss taught you?

 

Connect with me…​

Follow: Instagram| Twitter | Facebook| YouTube​

Listen: iTunes | Android | Google | Spotify| Stitcher​

Support: Monthly Donation | One-Time Donation | Swag

​

How to Listen to The Podcast

If you’re new to podcasts, think of them like little radio shows that you can listen to at your convenience. They are perfect to listen to and learn from as you workout, fold laundry, wash dishes or conquer the world.

1. Listen right here on the blog. Click the little play button at the beginning of this post.

2. Listen on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Play! – Be sure and subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! Also, if you would be so kind as to leave a rating on iTunes and/or write a 2-3 sentence review there or on Stitcher?  Your commentary or rating helps make the podcast more “findable” by others who might not know it exists!

3. Share today’s show –   Email the link to a friend or share on social media. Just click on the sharing buttons at the bottom of this post!

You have been so great to join me on the journey here on the blog, I hope you jump right in and do the same on the podcast!