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Women, young and old, seem to be in agreement about one thing: the dating scene is in shambles. And while I haven’t been in the dating streets for some time, I’ve definitely witnessed the frustration and disappointment many experience while trying to find the right guy and choose the right relationships for their lives.
But y’all, as crazy as it sounds, I still believe it’s possible to find healthy relationships, yes, even now. I think we can all take a deep breath after that one, but it’s true.
Now I know things aren’t how they used to be. Dating apps have made things more complex than meeting someone at the grocery store or through a trusted family member or friend. And social media has made the appearance of a healthy relationship more important than the reality of one. But what if the work of navigating relationships wasn’t just about finding the right person for you; what if it was about discovering you in the process?
Learning How You Love
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, yet many of us entertain relationships that are full of the same patterns. The same mistreatment. The same disappointment. The same broken promises. But that doesn’t have to be where it ends for you.
In this episode, I challenge you to step back and examine the patterns that have shown up in your life over and over again. How do you connect with others? What relationship dynamics feel safe to you simply because they’re familiar? By reflecting on the kinds of people and situations you’re attracting, you can begin to disrupt unhealthy patterns and align yourself with God’s best for your life.
Understanding Attraction vs. Alignment
Attraction can make you stop at what looks good on the surface and base the future of something on one moment. But just because someone or something catches your eye doesn’t mean they are good for you. Look beyond first impressions and test the relationship, the new job, or even the new opportunity by how it holds up to changing circumstances and time.
That’s where alignment comes in. Alignment is about measuring a potential partner or opportunity by how well their actions align with their words. Ask yourself: Is this in alignment with the woman you’re working to become?
This is deeper than choosing the right person, although that is important. This process is about paying attention to your life and refusing to remain stuck in the same cycles. This process is about choosing peace.
Awareness Changes Everything
When you ask yourself the hard questions, you will begin to notice what you’ve put up with for far too long. Seeing your patterns will help you align your standards with God’s word and notice what no longer serves you.
Sometimes, even when trying to live aware, you can be so close to your relationships that you can’t see things clearly. Don’t discount your mother, your friend, or someone more seasoned in life who is grounded and experienced enough to spot red flags you may be blind to. Check in with the people you trust to make sure you’re making sound decisions.
I know it can be hard to keep putting yourself out there, only to come face to face with heartache yet again. But my friend, when you pay attention to your patterns, it will not only help you win at love; it will help you win at life. And that’s certainly worth the effort.
Highlights from Today’s Episode
- Healing from past hurt
- Recognizing healthy relationships
- Interrupting repeating patterns
Related Resources
- Interested in unconventional ways of finding love? Check out this podcast episode with Margot Starbuck on winning with online dating.
- Listen to this podcast episode to learn how to date your spouse.
- Sometimes finding love is about falling in love with yourself first. Grab the Live a Life You Love online course to begin the process of learning and loving you.
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Other Stuff to Check Out
- Start paying attention to your life with The Full Circle Planner!
- Interested in supporting the content I create and enjoying bonus content? Learn about joining my Inner Circle!
- Be sure to also check out my books She’s Still There and 100 Days to Discovering the Gift of You!
Let’s Talk!
- When you reflect on your childhood, what relationship dynamics did you pick up and carry with you into adulthood?
- In recognizing negative patterns, what is one thing you can do to align yourself with a new mindset in relationships?
- As a woman who is aware of her patterns, who in your life exemplifies wisdom when it comes to dating, marriage, and choosing the right situations? How can you connect with them to strengthen your discernment?
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How to Listen to The Podcast
If you’re new to podcasts, think of them like little radio shows that you can listen to at your convenience. They are perfect to listen to and learn from as you workout, fold laundry, wash dishes or conquer the world.
1. Listen right here on the blog. Click the little play button at the beginning of this post.
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You have been so great to join me on the journey here on the blog, I hope you jump right in and do the same on the podcast!
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