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How do the holidays make you feel? If this time of year brings more feelings of sadness than joy, I want you to know that you’re not alone.

The grief, the loss, the loneliness…all of it takes up space in our hearts when we’re deep in hopelessness.

For me, my grief is felt more this time of year. Growing up, December 1st was the kick-off for the Christmas season in our home. It’s my mother’s birthday, which marked her transformation into Mrs. Claus. Her joy made the holidays special, and now it’s what causes me to reflect on just how special she is to me.

I wish none of us had to deal with a broken heart during this time of year, but there are a few things that have helped me navigate the waves of grief that seem to rise even higher during the holidays.

 

Have the Courage to Name Your Pain

If you’ve practiced pushing down your pain to the extent that you’ve become numb, then it may take time to acknowledge how you truly feel. It can be scary to unlock tears that have been trapped for so long, but releasing your emotions is the only way to begin the process of healing. And when it feels like too much for you to sit with, know that God can handle it all. 

Maybe you’re afraid that the absence of a loved one will be more pronounced at Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe you’re unable to afford Christmas gifts because you’re one of the many people impacted by layoffs this year. Maybe you hoped to be surrounded by family this season, but conflicting schedules or conflicting personalities have left you to figure out holiday plans on your own. Determining the reason for your grief is the first step to finding relief this season.

Make Space for What Your Heart Needs

There’s a certain pressure to be joyful at family gatherings and holiday events, but you don’t have to hold it together all the time. When the obligations become overwhelming, that is your signal to slow down and simplify your schedule. This may be your year to say no to a few things and seek out things that bring you joy. Give yourself permission to honor your emotional capacity. In doing so, you’ll also make room for honoring your loss, whether that’s a person or something you once held near and dear to your heart.

Here are some practical ways to honor your loss:

  • Light a candle in memory of a friend
  • Support a cause that your loved one championed
  • Journal your thoughts about a job loss or an unmet expectation

Sometimes it helps to put action to your grief. Allow yourself the space to release your feelings.

Look Towards the Light

Even when it feels like all hope is gone, a little hope in what could be can change everything. The benefit of being a believer is that God left messages of hope all throughout His word.

  • Psalm 23:4: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.” (ESV)
  • Matthew 11:28: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (ESV)
  • Psalm 30:5: “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” (KJV)

Hope also comes when we take the step to open up to others about our pain. 

You were never meant to endure hurt and pain alone. Connect with those who are willing to meet you in your vulnerability, because isolation in your grief can keep you in a state of hopelessness.

If you’re reading this with a broken heart, I want you to know that you have permission to slow down this season. Do what feels right in honoring your grief and loss, but know that there is comfort in community.

I pray this episode encourages you to give yourself grace this holiday season.

 

Highlights from Today’s Episode

  • Remembering what was
  • Recognizing your emotional capacity
  • Releasing the pressure to pretend

Related Resources

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Other Stuff to Check Out

Let’s Talk!

  1. What emotions are rising to the surface for you as the holidays draw near?
  2. How do you feel led to honor a loved one during this time?
  3. What do you need to release to find rest this holiday season?

 

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