One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned as a leader (and am still learning) is how important it is to ask the right questions and then to hold space for listening well.

What it is and why it matters…

Listening well involves paying attention to the spoken response and being aware of nonverbal responses for what’s not verbally articulated.  According to various studies, nonverbal communication comprises anywhere from 55% to 93% of communication. Listening well requires that I’m not thinking about my next response but being present for the response being offered. 

One of the greatest gifts of listening well is that sometimes people give me information I wasn’t seeking and insight that I didn’t even know to ask for. When I listen well, I allow others to display their intelligence on a matter, whether spiritual, interpersonal, intrapersonal, emotional, physical, or logical. 

The importance of listening to myself…

All my life, I’ve heard that in order to lead and honor the people I work with and work for, I should learn how to listen. But I haven’t always been quick to apply this same skill to listen to myself as the leader.

Just like I hold space for others, I should hold space for myself to process, think, and sometimes even wrestle with the concepts in my head. Leading myself well involves asking myself questions, giving myself space to answer, and waiting for my own intelligence to show up. 

In a recent session with the women in my leadership coaching cohort, I presented the following questions as a tool to help each woman hold space for the conversation she needed to have with herself.

  • What is your big dream?
  • What do you need professionally?
  • What do you need personally?
  • What do you know? What do you know deeply about your life, your business, your ministry, your family, your health, your heart, your mind? 
  • What do you need to know that you don’t know right now?

The gift you give yourself…

Sometimes, the greatest gift we can give ourselves is the gift of self-leadership. As the leader in a corporate, ministry, or entrepreneurial space, casting a clear vision for others means you have to know the vision yourself first. It can be so easy to get busy doing, directing, and delegating that we get detached from the most important reason we are in the position we are in, to begin with. 

It’s important to intentionally create space to ask yourself introspective questions. Giving yourself time to listen to yourself and process your answers is a gift you give yourself.

Just like you would hold space for conversation with someone who works with you or for you, you can do the same for yourself. In the same way, you would know not to “do all the talking” or “fill all the spaces” with your voice alone, it’s important you leave the same kind of space for your inner leader to speak and be heard.

So, I encourage you to go over the questions I shared. Find a quiet space, and do whatever it takes for you to be most comfortable (for me that involves wearing my favorite soft sweater and fuzzy socks). Get out a pen and a notebook and write until you run out of things to say.

If you can do that once, amazing!

And then…

Do it a second time 🙂

Then, make time to process and mull over your responses. 

Maybe you’ll think and process while in the shower, or maybe you’ll do it while on a drive. Maybe you’ll do it while you’re cooking in the kitchen, doing dishes, or going through your bedtime routine. 

But listening to yourself as a leader is one of the best ways for you to get the information from the intelligence you have so that you can then transpose those thoughts into your business and/or into your team.

In order for you to have vision and operate in light of that vision with the decisions you make every day, you have to believe in the vision God gave you.

If you haven’t already figured it out, God is an amazing “vision giver”.

Romans 10:17 says, “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.”

If you are walking with the Lord, spending time in His Word, and listening to Him in prayer, I believe you will hear what God is saying (or has already said) to the leader in you. 

As you continue to seek the Lord for what He is saying to and through you, remember Psalm 85:8 when the psalmist says, “Let me hear what God the Lord will speak, for he will speak peace to his people, to his saints.”

And when you hear clearly, you’ll be able to communicate clearly to those who are waiting to hear from you.

I hope this has encouraged you in your quest to be a leader who listens.

I’ve learned that listening is a powerful tool for great leadership, and I wanted to pass the gift of listening alone to you.

Here’s to listening well,

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Chrystal is the Founder and CEO of The Sister Circle, an organization that exists to provide practical encouragement and equip women of faith to live with intention and purpose. Chrystal is also a best-selling author and speaker who reaches a wide audience, speaking at conferences, hosting her podcast, and leading the women’s ministry at her home church.