I have been feeling a little under the weather.
And I don’t mean in a physical sense.
I have been fighting.
Fighting me.
One day I’ll write more about this life-long struggle to keep my head above water.
But the bottom line is that I’ve learned and am still having to learn how to cope with my crazy.
Moody.
Overly tempermental.
Sullen.
Down-in-the-dumps.
Melancholy.
Emotionally volatile.
Depressed.
Cray-cray.
Whatever you wanna call it.
Truth be told, I think that we all have a little bit of crazy in us but most of us have learned to live with our eccentricities, revealing some of our struggles but not all, keeping our deepest vulnerabilities undercover lest people see exactly how full of holes we really are.
But I have holes.
I think many of us do.
Our lives are like a field.
A mine field.
Our minds or our hearts can each be the kind of field where if you misstep or another person missteps on your territory, something might explode.
Some of the explosions are small.
Our hearts beat a bit faster. We feel anger, anxiety, sadness or some other kind of raw emotion but we have the power in the moment to minimize the damage and to keep going.
But sometimes the explosions are big.
They are disastrous.
We aren’t blown to pieces but we are left dismembered, dragging ourselves away from the combustive place, and possibly even the carnage left near the gaping hole in the field – in our lives.
Or worse, other people are left – those we love or those we don’t – and they are blown away because they happen to be on our territory.
And people are bleeding.
It might be you. It might be others.
I’ve written a Proverbs 31 devotional about how important it is that Real Love Bleeds and how we must consciously give of ourselves to others even when it hurts.
But I’m reminded that bleeding for love is not the only kind of bleeding that is going on.
Sometimes you are bleeding because you are in a battle with yourself.
You are injured because you are in a fight for your life.
You are in a fight not to fall victim to sabotaging thoughts, negative patterns of self-talk, or coping mechanisms that keep you from dealing with the real issues at hand.
I’ve been there.
Recently.
And I don’t have the answers.
I don’t have a cute, wonderfully packaged solution that will give you the “five steps” to win the fight for your peaceful mind, happy heart, or a naturally positive outlook.
What I do have are some thoughts from me to you that I hope will be a bit of a bandage, a balm for hurting places, or at least a shoulder to lean on and learn from.
First of all, make no bones about it.
You are not imagining your heartache or your pain.
It is real.
Don’t let anybody tell you that it’s not.
Be honest with yourself and with others who are safe places.
It’s ok to admit that you are in a battle.
Second, there is probably not an easy answer or an easy way out.
You will have to fight.
And there is nothing wrong with being a fighter.
In fact, brave, courageous and strong people fight.
They fight because there is something worth fighting for.
You, my friend, are worth fighting for.
So don’t you give up.
If and when you find yourself in a dark, desolate place, don’t settle for staying there.
Now, there are times when you need time and space to heal. You may need a healthy distance from places or people to give yourself room to do essential self-repair. But then there are times when being in an independent place for too long is unhealthy and you need to reach down deep and find the strength to pull yourself up and move forward – even if it means limping forward or leaning on someone else’s shoulder when you can’t support yourself.
Fight. Even if that means asking someone else to help you do just that.
Lastly, talk to God and let Him talk to you.
He made you.
So He already knows about your crazy and He’s totally not intimated by it.
In fact, He’s utterly comfortable navigating your crazy, adept at managing your messy, and leading you through your landmines. He’s even quite qualified to treat your resulting injuries.
He and I have had some major “sessions” and at the end of the day, I’m always glad I’ve been honest with Him and relieved that I’ve been completely transparent with at least one other Person.
Then I’ve learned to let Him talk to me.
There is this principle in the Bible about renewing your mind.
“…let God change the way you think.…” Romans 12:2 (CEV)
You do this by replacing your thoughts (that may not always be the best) with His thoughts (which are always better than your own).
And bottom line?
It works.
Reading God’s Word works.
Again… I’m not trying to minimize your pain or give you easy, quick steps out of your difficult place.
But I am telling you that you can’t stay there forever.
You can attempt to cover it up. You can even try to dress it up. But if the struggle is real – and it can be very real – and you won’t be able to conceal it always.
At some point, you will have to deal.
Eventually you will need to get your wits about you and fight your way out.
You may not feel like you can.
But this is me… telling you…
That. You. Can.
Even if you have to do it one step, one minute, or one tear at a time.
I know that you think you don’t have one more of anything in you.
But you do.
Come on my friend, fight.
Just one more of whatever you’ve got left.
And know that you are not the only person out there learning to cope with your crazy.
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Want to know what to read in God’s Word? Start by reading Psalms 27. You can also check out this post on Reading the Bible or listen to this podcast about Renewing Your Mind.
Want to know that you are not alone? Listen to this podcast from Michael Hyatt or Michelle Cushatt.
Want to get some tips for dodging discouragement? Check out this podcast.
Want to talk and know that somebody is listening? Leave a comment below.
Thank you! This is one of the most honest blogs I have read and totally identify with literally at this moment. I cannot explain it or make sense of but in the midst of my craziness, seeking Him is the most calming, centering, clarifying thing for me. Not easy at all and not trying to oversimplify because when you are in it, it is overwhelming but I can testify first hand that His grace is sufficient.
YES Danielle. Seeking Him is the most calming, center, clarifying thing. Thanks for reading.
Thank you for this message. Who are we fooling other than ourselves when we believe we can live with a mask on and fool even God. Trying to hide from even Him. Dumb…. This message was so spot on.
God has gifted you with the ability to just “put it out there”. I always know I’m going to hear something I need from your blog. Thanks.
Thanks for the encouragement Terry. I really appreciate you taking the time to share that with me. Thanks for reading.
Thank you so much for this post! So encouraging as I walk into work right now. I’m a pediatric nurse and days at work can be crazy to say the least! I’ve let the devil make me feel guilty in the past about being a hot mess and not having it all together, but just like you said, God knows our crazy and wants us to come to Him with our issues. I’m not supposed to have it all together, that’s why we have our Lord. Thank you for this encouragement 🙂
Hey, Chrystal, Thanks so much for this post! So raw, right-on, filled with Truth! Love it!! I have experienced many “sessions” with God and , like you, have come out better afterward. Each of us is worth fighting for! Michelle, I love what you said – “I’m not suppose to have it all together, that’s why we have our Lord.” Perfect for me today – I’m feeling a bit “cray cary” this morning, but gonna roll it all over to Jesus and follow Him around, see what He’s up to and just be me! ‘Cuz I’m worth fighting for – and so are all of you!
Beautifully said, transparent and compassionate. Thank you for this blessing toe. God’s already using it to right my thinking.
Thank you for your transparency. By the grace of God, it helps heal!
It’s tough when this crazy…that you can’t really define or explain…hurts (not physically) someone closest to you. What’s even more difficult to wrap your brain around, is the fact that there is no effective ‘five step’ process to change it. So the possibility of hurting the person again, is still a reality, and you don’t have a solution.
A timely note..my Sister having lost my son a week ago, this stears me in the right direction. But I do know that God doesn’t wants us to stay in that place for a long time. Thank you for being you and just real.
Wow! If I didn’t know any better, I would think you have been following me around or living in my head. It is almost like you wrote about me but I know that is God speaking through you to me about my situation. You have such an amazing gift and just pour out your heart on the keyboard and into your computer. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone but belong to a Community of Crazy and that God is not intimidated by my crazy but loves the crazy right out of me. You blessed me more than you know. Thank you so much.
This is so on time. As im working on the verything you are talking about without stepping on my own landmines. Thanks I really enjoy you blog.
“So He already knows about your crazy and He’s totally not intimidated by it”
Love this..Such a raw and clean reminder that he knows all and understands all. Thanks for your beautiful, inspiring words!
Isn’t God awesome that He gives us just what we need to hear or read? I popped over here after receiving your Proverbs 31 devotional today “Love Bleeds”. I was captivated with your writing, your insight, your right-on-ness ( yes, I made that word up just now) :). And this blog, well, it really hit home. Yes, like most people, I struggle some with the ordinary mood swings and issues, but this brought me to tears thinking of my daughter, who has been fighting Borderline Personality Disorder for 4 years. I’d love to share this with her, but she no longer will let me in her life. I’m praying the Lord will get this to her today. Thank you for sharing your gift and honesty.
I came to your blog after reading your devotional from Proverb 31 ministries–I so needed this message and the devotional today! First, thank you for showing me that there is someone who understands what I am going through–someone who God is using mightily–what an encouragement!! Second, thank you for pointing out that real love bleeds–after reading your devotional I called my daughter–my love for her is bleeding, bleeding, bleeding due to her choices over the past few years. Third, thank you for the encouragement to keep fighting–I am fighting and determined not to lose the battle that I am in–dealing with the stuff that has been eating me and leading me to eat, eat, and eat. Going to jump into my daily Bible reading and prayer right now–thanks for all the inspiration!!!!!!
Thank you!! Even though we know it, sometimes we just need to hear ANYBODY say, “I have cra-cra too”. Thank you for being open.
Your email today was very eye opening. The battle is with myself , I thought for years that I was healed from my past troubles . But , I am not , I thought I was listening to God but I was only half listening. How can I mediate on the Lord?
Crystal! Thank so so much. I know in my heart that this word was for me. I am in a fight right now with really leaning on God is all I have left and your words spoke so much into my situation.”You will have to Fight” those word are power to me. My heart is beating so fast as I write to you, but thank you and God bless.
I just “happened” upon this post after reading your devotional on Proverbs 31 and I know I was meant to read it as I am in the midst of battling myself at this very moment. I thank God for inspiring you to write this because it lets me know He does hear me especially when I don’t think He really cares. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you again for your gut-raw honesty. I could so identify with every word and I’m glad I’m not alone in my crazy. I always get something out of your posts and podcasts – you challenge me to go to my Father and His Word time and again. Thank you for using your gifts to help your sisters in Christ.
I allowed myself to stay in a dark, lonely place far too long as my husband battled addictions to pornography and binge drinking. I have always felt others expect me to have it all together. I think so often our perception of how others see us also translates to how God sees us. This was such a good reminder that it is OKAY to feel a little crazy, and that I cannot put on the “I’m okay” mask with God. It’s okay to be in a battle with myself but also a wake up call that I cannot keep trying to live up to my own perception of how others see me and how God sees me.
Thanks for this. You are so right, we all have our own “crazy.” I am encouraged to get in the word more. ❤️
Thank you and thank you for this wonderful blog. It is an encouragement to know that I am not the only one going through this. I know that I can be crazy at times and oh yes!!! I battle with myself daily, but I know that God loves me no matter what and He knows me. I on the other hand need to learn how to cope with my crazy and it is hard at times, so I am blessed that God lead me to this website. Thanks for sharing this awesome post!!!
I was checking my e-mails and saw the title of this post in my inbox and thought “wow, that must’ve been written just for me!” LOL
I’ve struggled with my “crazy” for years, but I truly find when I stay in His presence on a regular, consistent basis the crazy subsides tremendously. The last week I have been just wiped out tired and busy busy busy, so I haven’t been getting my QT time in and boy do I start to feel it. But it’s good to know I am not alone, because I know that’s what the enemy wants me to think — that I’m alone and crazy and that because of that I am failing as a Christian. I am slowly learning that through Him, I am free from all of that.
Ava, AMEN!!!! The post was really meant for me that very day as well. It is wonderful to know that we are not ALONE!!!! we have all these other good CHRISTIAN Women who feel the way that we do but MOST OF ALL WE HAVE JESUS!!!! HE UNDERSTANDS! and you are right we are FREE from all that when we place our time, attention and focus on God even in the business of life. Stay blessed!~Tonia
Like some of the other comments about this post, I too must say, “You must’ve written this just for me!” The raw, real-life emotions that you describe are like so many that I have had. You have no idea how many lives you’ve touched and changed by your words. What an AWESOME God we serve who loves us unconditionally and doesn’t take these feelings away, but helps us through them to lead us to a place of righteous holiness. I have been in a place of constant shame for my past, but He is helping me through this to live the life of joy and peace that can only come from Him. Thank you so much for being so open and honest. God Bless you, sister!!
Thank you for this post. I had definitely spoken to me and from the comments left, many others. I am thankful and grateful that yuh let God use you to speak to others. God bless!
Thank you so much for sharing, I can’t tell you how much I needed this!!
All I can say is…wow! It’s as if you saw right through to the depths of the pain I have been going through. Thank you for your God inspired words…it’s just what I needed at this moment!
Thanks a lot for being open and sincere!! I received it in the rigth moment. For sure I’ll remember that I wont give up.
Thank you so much for that! Most people don’t want to talk about this but you did to reveal that not only are we the only ones but God knows and he’s got us! Whatever we are going through, we know we are super strong than we think we are. God didn’t bring us for nothing and if he knew we couldn’t do this then he wouldn’t have allowed it. God loves us and always has something planned for us! 🙂 love your blogs crystal! Thank you for letting God use you! God bless you!
I have suffered for so long with depression and anxiety. Thank you for writing this article and reminding me that God is always there and will be with me in whatever place I find myself. God Bless you!
Chryssy with tears in my eyes, I love you girl for being who you are as a Kingdom woman. I am in awe of how God is using you in my life. I needed to hear this so badly. Battling with pre menopause systems now in this season of my life, the season that He has chosen me to lead our women’s group. I just want to go in hiding, often because I don’t know who wakes up every morning. Two weeks ago I decided to fast and pray and as faithful God is He answered. ……In spite of how I feel or dont feel I’m turning the volume up in my ears….getting into His word, worshiping, reading…..
Bless you .
This was so timely. Thank you so much. I’m going to share this with my friend who could use the encouragement as well.
Chrystal, you definitely provide glitters of sunshine for your Sisters. Thank you for sharing what is on your heart. My husband has more battles than I do, but I try my best to be a listening ear with a side of hopeful words. Most importantly, we do need to talk to our Lord; He knows us better than we know ourselves.
Chrystal,
You truly have touched a place in my heart to how I have been feeling for the past few weeks. i truly thought it was just me…in dealing w/ these seem like crazy moments as you described…..Moody. Overly temperamental. Sullen. Down-in-the-dumps. Melancholy. emotionally volatile. Depressed. Cray-cray!!!! Thank you for providing me w/ validation and comforting me and letting me know that I am not a bad person or CHRISTIAN when I have these moments! Yes, only CHRIST MY SAVIOR can get me through this. Thank you!!!!
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