It’s Christmas morning and no one is awake yet.
It’s the perfect time to pick up the phone and call my grandmother.
So this morning, my heart hurts.
Every Christmas. Every holiday. I pick up the phone to call her. It’s my assignment. It’s my job.
Then I’m responsible for passing the phone around to everyone else so that she and my grandfather can talk to everyone.
So this Christmas morning, I feel twinges of physical pain because this Christmas, when I call, she won’t be picking up the phone.
Yes. I will still call my grandfather and everyone will pass the phone and we will all be glad to hear his voice.
We will all wish we could be closer.
But we will all also miss hearing her voice as well.
Sometimes, there is mourning in the midst of the merry.
There will be laughter today. Kids squealing with joy. There will be lots of hugs exchanged and catching up with people that I love. There will be good food eaten and memories made. There will be lots of the things that are just the same as they are every year.
All except one.
I will feel the mourning in the midst of the merry.
I wonder if when Jesus was born, he missed His father.
I wonder if he felt off balance or off kilter because he exchanged the glorious singing of the angels for the soft sounds of sheep.
I wonder if he had immediate grief in His heart as the love He has for mankind was mixed with mourning of a known difficult and short life and awareness of a painful and hard death.
I wonder if Christmas day – the day that Christ was born – was a day of mourning too.
I wonder of Mary wished that her mother was there to help her deliver her new baby.
I wonder of she was saddened at her station in life. Did she wish that she had more to give her new son than a birth in a manger?
I wonder if she mourned the presence of her friends. Did she feel alone? Did she feel lost in a big world that seemed not to see her?
I wonder if Christmas day – the day that Mary had her baby – was a day of mourning too.
I wonder if Christmas day – your day where you sit right now reading this post – is a day of mourning.
I wonder if you are lamenting another Christmas that you are spending not quite the way you thought.
I wonder if you are grieving because someone you love is not here.
I wonder if you are sad because you feel alone or your life is not quite where you’d like it to be.
I wonder if you feel twists or twinges in your heart and the notes from “Joy to the World” aren’t ringing true anywhere in the vicinity of your life.
I wonder.
Sometimes there is mourning in the midst of the merry.
And I don’t have an answer.
I don’t have anything monumental to say to get rid of the heart hurts that you may have today.
But I do know that if you keep going mourning can TURN into merry.
I know that there was glory waiting for Jesus after that agony of the cross.
I know that Mary got to watch her son live the only perfect life in history. Any mother would love to see her children live their lives well.
And I know that while I miss my grandmother, I will see her again one day.
You will not always be in this place.
You will not always feel the same intensity of hurt, pain, or sadness.
You will not always feel lonely.
Sometimes there is mourning. But the merry is still happening.
Walk through the mourning this morning. Don’t deny it. Be real to where you stand.
But don’t miss the merry.
That message is not just for you. It’s for me too.
As soon as I press “send” for this blog post, I’m going to make that call to my grandfather, Two Daddy.
Even while I’m sure he is yet mourning his beloved, I know our call will help put some merry in his midst on this Christmas day.
Merry Christmas everybody.
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Oh Chrystal, so perfectly, beautifully written. Praying for you as you make that call.
-Kara
Chrystal,
I very much enjoy your gift of writing. I love how you write to express yourself and get out what you feel, but at the same time not know that you simultaneously are reaching out to those going through the same things. This morning I woke up saying “Happy Birthday Jesus” but started thinking about my Dad and the memories we shared throughout the years. Loss sucks! It is the one thing I wish no one went through, but if we didn’t go through it there would be no such thing as heavenbound. Knowing that God has him makes me happy but that doesn’t make me miss him less. Praying that God make you stronger each day through your loss. Enjoy the day ahead with your loved ones:)
Nadia
Man you don’t know how bad I needed to read this. God help us all. Jesus thank you a million times over and that still is not enough……….mmm
Thank you for sharing your heart this Christmas morning. It could not have come at a better time for me personally. I was just cleaning up after making the big Christmsa breakfast and I was thinking about how this tradition of breakfast I started some years ago is not the same this year, it was more of a feeding than the bonding it once was. It caused me to look around and notice a lot of things are not the same. Christmas is here but a spirit of mourning is very present. The only one that has had the Christmas spirit in an abundance is my daughter. She is all cheerful like Dorthy on the Wizard of Oz and I found myself thanking God for filling her up to let her overflow be used to help me keep going this Christmas.
Mourning ithe death of a lost one or Christmas not being the way you would like is never fun to deal with. Just like you knowing that your grandmother is in Heaven and you will see her again is joy to hear, the reality of wanting her presence now makes sadness present.As I mourn this Christmas I am thinking about how mourning can mean an end to how things once were to new beginnings that are to come, it does not stop the mourning the tears just don’t flow so much.
Deuteronomy 8:6-9 has helped get me through right now.
Thank yiu again for sharing your heart. Thankful for God’s creative ways to comfort His children and then how it opens the door to comfort each other.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
4 yrs ago on dec 9th my mother was ushered into the arms of Jesus. It has been a mournful time until this year. I awoke one morning this month with a desire in my heart to celebrate and enjoy the Merry. It’s not easy, the road does get lonely, I can’t pick up the phone to call her but as we have incorporated some of her traditions into ours this yr it has made things very very beautiful.
You are in my thoughts and prayers this Christmas.
A great reminder this morning. Merry Christmas! Trying to be merry.
Big Hug! Thank the Lord for the hope we have in Him because He was born. Praying for you and the family today. Peace, joy, and blessings this Christmas and beyond!
After the passing of my mother, mother-in love and brother all in 2012- I felt as if the earth had truly not just moved but left me and that no one could understand my pain. But one thing I knew for certain and that regardless of how I felt I had to go on what I knew and that was the promises of God. I had to stand on truth -that HE had promised to turn my mourning into JOY-your article is such an inspiration to those of us still grieving -I have been tremendously blessed –
That was a beautiful story
Thank you so much for that post. I am so sorry for your loss. As much as I hate to hear that someone else is going through this, it helps to remember that there are others out there like me that are putting one foot in front of the other and trusting God to help them go from mourning to merry. That summed up my day so perfectly. Thank you, Lord, for meeting me where I was and walking with me all day!
Just right.
This blog, melt my heart, I too share a lost (my sweet daughter ) so this was what my heart is feeling ! Thank you for sharing yours with us. Thank you Lord Jesus !! You are our COMFORTER !! (In “CeCe Winans) voice!!
https://www.facebook.com/WanderingThroughTheBible/posts/752589308103866 is the link to my blog, written in the same frame of mind as yours, Chrystal. It is so comforting to know we aren’t the only ones who experience those alone times when we are surrounded by others. Thank you for sharing this and I hope my little story may touch you as well.
I had a lovely day, but I felt the pang of wishing my life was a little different. But, I am grateful for family and friends. Thanks for your well written piece.
I know that feeling. Before I every lost a loved one, I mourned the loss of dreams that went another year unfulfilled. I get it Tam. Prayed for you.
Beautiful words spoken….I”m so glad we have our hope is in JESUS>>>>>Blessings to everyone sent your way…..God bless us all this day and days ahead as there is healing in the wings of JESUS>>>
honey I love this my heart everyday but its worse during the holidays due to my mom and my baby brother are both gone they were very young and my mom was the rock of are family, shebkept everyone together, n my baby brother he was great he always helped anyone n everyone, no matter who, God we miss them so much we love you mom/ gram and ba your sadly missed and greatly loved, thank you for the saying to help ease the pain during this sad but also happy times,
AWESOME insight & revelation! I lost my mom last August but it was this Christmas that I felt her absence the most. I’m so glad your dad shared it. I look forward to hearing more from God through you. God bless you more….
Belinda, It’s one thing to lose someone but a whole nuther thing to feel it during a time where there are special memories. Thanks for sharing.
I have been seperated for three years and of those three years I am going through 2 years of parental alienation of my two daughters. God bless you for such a heart felt message to this grieving father who is holding on for life to his Heavenly Father’s hand.
God bless you Silva…
Beautiful! This was my first Christmas without my grandma as well. It was tough but also beautiful. In the merriment of the chaos, her absence was faint but in the quiet, her absence screamed over of it. We cried and we laughed. Thankfully we laughed a lot! Thanks for this!
Lost my love of over thirty years last Tuesday. The only one that means more to me than my husband is our Lord. Thank you for your post and all the other comments left. Taking it one minute at a time.
Praying for you Wanda. Such a recent loss. I pray that while we know that God will be with you in the days, weeks, and months to come… I pray that you would especially FEEL His presence.
So beautifully written. I can relate as I miss my mom.
Woe, this is so profoundly touching! Yesterday, my husband married our youngest daughter. As her intended held her hand, I am sure the mourning for both of his parents, washed over him. We welcomed him into our family, and love him as a son. Yet, a joyful day had an element of sorrow. The God news is that he too will see them again, since they were both saved, and he is now too! God bless you and your ministry!
Thanks Chyrstal, I was feeling everything emotion you wrote about when at 12:08 I got a call from a VIP. Also with those who have gone on home, I felt the Mourning with the Merry! Your writing was felt and embraced! Thanks Again!
In His Service
D. Duncan
Beautifully stated (as I wipe a tear or two from my eye). Praying for your family that you feel peace knowing your beloved grandmother is spending her first Christmas in the presence of glory.
Lisa, what you just said, “your beloved grandmother is spending her first Christmas in the presence of glory”. THAT brought tears to my eyes. Wow. Thanks.
This blog really hit home for me this year. I am blessed to have my Mom (87), husband of 40 yrs and our 31 yr old son to share Christmas with. But this year I have REALLY missed my Dad (gone 23 yrs), Grama Rose (gone 18 yrs) and Papa Buck (gone 41 yrs). So many Christmases go by and I think of them but don’t feel that ‘missing you so much’. This year has been different…I have remembered what each of them brought to my life and to our Christmas celebrations. I thank God for each of them and look forward to the day we are together again.
Isn’t it a joy to know we will be with our loved ones again one day! I love knowing that.
This is beautiful. This is the first time to your blog and I needed these words so much. Thank You!
Welcome! I hope you come back. Merry Christmas.
I lost my first born child, my first born son last year. Reading this was like, Oh! someone understands this place that I’m in! I’m not sure how much of the merry I’ve allowed in but I showed up for everything. I left when I got tired of pretending that I was okay. Sometimes you wonder if you will ever be okay again. I am grateful for your message. It has truly helped me today.
I am blessed to know that me sharing my own emotion during the holiday encouraged you. Hang in there Lesley.
Dear Rita
Thank you for forwarding this story to me.My Beautiful Mother passed from this life last year, Dec. 22, 2012. The pain was so intense I didn’t think I could survive. You see she was not just my Mother but truly my BEST friend! Our love for each other was unconditional. To be Merry in the mourning is what my Mother would want. She would want my children and Granchildren to enjoy their lives and especially The Christmas Season! The greatest gift I can give to my Mother is to be a wonderful Mother and Grandmother as she was. In this I honor my Mother! Thanks Be To God!
Chrystal, Thank you so much for sharing. I identify with every word you had to say. My grandmother passed away last year before Christmas. This is our second Christmas without her. We always picked her up for Christmas to celebrate at my Mom’s. So, for the past two years we have rode out by her house for sentimental reasons. Today I was able to go in her house and reflect on all the wonderful times we had. I experienced “Mourning in the Merry.” May God bless you and your family.
What a testimony to others Susan! Thanks for sharing.
These words of comfort and truth really hit home. Missing my dad, sister and niece during this holiday season. We are blessed to have the matriarch of the family, my mom who is 92yrs young. I watch her going through life and trusting God in all that she does. We know her heart is heavy as the rest of the family. God has been good to her and the family. When I feel sad, I begin to think about how blessed we are to have a mother at 92yrs young, in her right mind and very independent. We thank God for having family, when some
are experiencing loneliness and despair, amongst other problems. Thank you for sharing your awesome story. I am so blessed and I won’t complain. This is God’s plan !
I am mourning alright. My sadness is very great, sometimes too much for me to bare. I have a huge hole in my heart and it may never go away. My dear 9 year old son lost his battle with brain cancer on July 26, 2013. I miss him, sooooo much. In the mist of my sadness, I do enjoy seeing my two other sons enjoy Christmas and playing with their gifts. I told myself, that next year I was going to make it a real celebration for them. It is so nice to read about your feelings. It filled my heart with hope and encouragement. God bless you.
Praying for you. I can’t imagine how much you must miss him. I’m glad you are encouraged today.
Thank you Crystal, that was a very encouraging word, I I was feeling something this holiday season, but could not put my finger on it. I was just in an I don’t have the energy mood. I have loved ones that I sorely miss, and others that I was very close to, so again, Thank You and may God continue to bless you with your extraordinary gift.
I don’t know when I’ve read anything more beautiful or true. Thank you for sharing your words.
Chrystal, thank you so much for being transparent. I read your blog with tears in my eyes because it spoke to that place tucked away deep in my heart. Sometimes, when the “mourning” has been long you wonder if you will ever experience the “dancing”. God already knows those places are there in our hearts, then He sends people like you to remind us that He really is concerned about everything that concerns us. God bless you!
THANK YOU!!! I was always told to be happy and show a victorious smile no matter what was going on in my life. This Christmas I could not show that smile, this season in my life is VERY DIFFICULT but I know this too shall pass. GOD BLESS YOU and thank you !!!
That was beautiful. I lost my father a month ago to a near five year battle with cancer. And all through this Christmas season, I have felt every emotion you blogged about. Thank you for sharing this. May God bless you and your family in the coming year.
Crystal, thank you so much!! My 80-year old Grandmother passed away suddenly December 14th of this year. The pain is still fresh. Thank you for this precious reminder that our mourning CAN be merry! We rejoice that my Grandma is in Heaven and I WILL see her again one day!
My goodness, you write so well! You captured some of the emotions I felt, albeit for different reasons!
I followed the link your father posted on facebook. What a joy it is that your father celebrates your gift!
GOD BLESS YOU and keep on writing!.
Thank you so much for this. I lost my mom almost 2 yrs ago and our family was still raw w pain this yr on Christmas. It did not seem happy or joyful like all of the other yrs and you were the only person that has acknowledged this truth and made me feel less alone.
I was weeping Christmas morn. What a gift, your writing. I love your perspective with Jesus, Mary, …the mourning in the merry. Your message gave me permission to feel/mourn, and then move on. When others grieve, sometimes others are so uncomfortable they ignore or shallowly dismiss it. It hurts terribly.Thank you for your gift. Merry Christmas.
Thank you for addressing what is often unsaid, but very real for many. God bless you!
Good message Chrystal. My MOMMA passed in Sept. Christmas has not been the same this year. Dad passed four years ago. Dad was 81 and Mom was 86. It’s been a damper. I am 62 and thank God for having faith in HIS PROMISE. Your comments regarding your grandmother hit home. I had the priviledge to meet your Father after your grandmother passed in November. His charisma and stamina was uplifting, knowing he had just had his mother pass. Glad I stumbled onto your blog. Uplifting to my Spirit. Happy Holidays.
May God bless you real good for what you have shared. My husband lost his mother a few years back. He struggles so during the holydays. This article helps me to help him.
I follow your dad on Facebook and saw the link to your blog. My grandmother passed away in December 1999; our family’s sorrow was dampened that year by the birth of four babies (including a set of triplets) later that same month. But every year, my mom gets extremely sad during the holidays as she was extremely close to her mother. I will print out your blog and give it to her. Also, I shared your blog on Facebook with friends/family who I know are in mourning for recent losses. You have blessed so many by allowing the Holy Spirit to guide your words of encouragement. Here are some of the responses I got:
Deb, I just got to read this today which is the day 2 years ago that we were making plans with the funeral home for dad and also the same day 7 years ago that mom slipped into a coma. So you know all to well my story of both Christmas Eve and New Years Eve two days that are forever embedded in my memory. So this story rings so true to me and I am forever grateful that you shared it. Thanks sis. Although I’m mourning I will keep moving forward to the Joy that comes in the morning.
you always seem to Make my Day ! What a wonderful Gift ! Thanks we needed that
Very powerful Deb. Thanks for sharing the post
Thanks for sharing the blog with others. I’m glad to know it’s encouraging. Blessings to you!
I lost my mother and father last March within three days of one another. December 22 we lost my mother-in-law. I needed this post. Thank you.
Just lovely. Thank you so much for sharing this. A very good friend lost her husband unexpectedly this Christmas morning and while I will wait a bit, I will eventually share this with her.
God bless you and thank you again for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing as I lost my Grandmother in November of this year and . . . Christmas was so different for me too. After attending Christmas Day Service my family and I would go visit with her at the nursing home and this year . . . we came home after the service and I found my spirit in a low place . . . but I know I will see her again. Thanks for sharing ~ it was so beautifully written. God bless you!
I was thinking such things this morning. I had saved the link to your blog from your father’s fb post and finally took time to read it today. Thank you, Chrystal. God’s continued blessings on you and yours.
I was reading your blog and thought should I respond or should I not. But I felt that it would be better for me to share of my inner mourning of the passing of my oldest daughter Nikki. You see Nikki passed on December 17, 2004, through a tragic car accident. The moment I got the call that she had passed, I immediately screamed out to the Lord and told Him that I already know that He’s real….You proved that 3 years earlier when you called my son Cody home on March 23, 2001 from a car accident too. You see, I’ve been clean and sober since 1999 and I surrendered to Christ the same year. When I went through the grieving process of first, my son, Cody…it was hard because I was a new creation in Christ Jesus and dealing with my new found spiritual walk….because I never in my wildest dream….no matter how “bad” a mother I may have been…I never would of imagine that I would experience the lost of a son…and then 3 years later, a daughter…OOOhhhh, the pain…..the mourning….the heavy load…the 10 ton gorilla on my back….When Nikki passed a week before Christmas Day….I cried out to the Lord to stop this “pain in my heart” It was not physical pain, but a spiritual pain…You know Chrystal, He didn’t stop the pain….He let me go through it….minute by minute…hour by hour…day by day…(so that for such a time as this…I can minister to other mothers who have lost a child) through the years since the passing of their death…I have my moments. This Christmas was one of them….I tried to get in the spirit of rejoicing and singing those traditional Christmas songs…but my heart was heavy….I would cry off and on through out the day. I tried cooking to get my thoughts and emotions “under control” cause after all…I would be in the front of family and friends for the dinner festivities. Having the mourning in the merry….WOW!!!
Thanks for sharing your story Sandra. You are so right. Many times the only way to deal with the pain is to go through the pain. And afterwards, we can help others.
Thank you for sharing those beautiful thoughts and insight. Until this year, I think I had blinders on and couldnt see the pain many people go through during times when everyone else is enjoying the “merry” . They often pull back into the shadows so as not to dampen the spirits of others. They may put on a pleasant face while inside their hearts are weeping. I have experienced losses over the years, grandparents, a mother-in-law but they were nothing to compare to this year experiencing the death of my 19 yr. old son by suicide. Thankfully, I have Christian brothers and sisters who chose to take off their blinders and pull us out of the shadows into their “merry” while at the same time choosing to ” mourn” with us. I pray that that Christ body of believers, including myself, will never become so involved in our own lives that we fail to see our brother or sister mourning in the shadows. But that we hold them as they mourn while gently pulling them back into Christ’s light of hope..
Hi Kim! Thanks for taking the time to share. Praying for you as you continue to grieve the loss of your son. I can’t imagine what this year has been like for you. I’m glad you were encouraged.
[…] other post is called “The Mourning in the Merry”…I wasn’t familiar with this blog until I saw the post via a friend’s facebook, […]
I am new to the blog life, but I’m getting why God would have me here. I enjoyed this post. I too lost my grandfather in 2008 several weeks after Christmas. When I think of him, I yell out “I love you Ted!” He was so clear and outspoken with his love for me. So, I can do the same for him. It’s love.
Sandra’s story, blessed me too. Absolute gratitude in this moment. Peace over you.
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